Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Vampire Diaries Recap: Friday Night Bites

I will probably not catch up with Season 3 until Season 4 begins, there are just too many episodes between here and there. If you want to talk about more recent developments, hit me up on Twitter.

Season 1 Episode 3: Friday Night Bites

Caroline Forbes LIVES. She is righteously freaked out, poor thing. She tries to sneak out of the bedroom while Damon slumbers, but he ninjas behind her. As you do. Her first reaction to that is to hit him with a lamp. I support this.

It must have been a sturdy ass lamp, it didn't break.

Then he snacks on her again. Poor girl, can't catch a break.

Bonnie is busy backpedaling to Elena about Stefan, encouraging Elena to take it slow. Elena wants to know what's up because Bonnie was busy pushing Elena into Stefan last episode and now Bonnie is all "Slow your roll." This is because her witchy powers gave her the wig when she gave Stefan Elena's phone number, and is more of the unsubtle "She's a witch!" stuff that's going on. I really dislike the whole slow reveal thing, here. I get what they're going for, but it irks me.

Jeremy and Vicki have a small bit of story this episode. It goes like this: Vicki still wants to be friends, but Jeremy's not interested in her if they're not seeing each other. He's half convinced she just slept with him because he had access to drugs, and he's an asshole to pretty much everyone. Later, Vicki reveals it wasn't just the drugs. I kind of don't care much about Vicki/Jeremy, because Jeremy has got a lot of the "nice guy" stuff going on. For the most part, Vicki doesn't put up with it and calls him out on it (good for her) but it's not exactly a healthy relationship.

Matt sees them from a distance, and is being slightly mopey, although pretty sensible about the whole thing. Tyler, who is apparently gunning for the gold in the dick olympics, throws a football at the back of Stefan's head. Stefan uses his super powers to catch the football. Then Stefan threw it back hard enough to shock Tyler, which is really quite irresponsible on the part of the supernatural being who is trying to lay low.

This is when Elena encourages Stefan to go out for the football team, that he shouldn't be such a loner.  When he points out that he once saw her journaling in a cemetery (a loner activity if ever there was one) she says she's trying to bring back her old self, pre-car accident.

During history class, Coach Tanner is a dick to Stefan, who uses his supernatural memory (maybe?) to best the coach on history. Tanner gives him the kind of smile that makes me suspect he's imagining eating Stefan's liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.

"I will eat your heart out with a spoon."
Elena shows up for cheer-leading practice, before which she manages to convince Bonnie to have a nice dinner with Stefan, so she can get over her heebie jeebies. Meanwhile, at football practice, Stefan tries to convince Coach Tanner to give him a chance. Even though Tanner still looks like he wants to wear a Stefan skin suit, he gives in and lets Stefan practice with the team. This irritates Matt. Matt because he feels like his life has been stolen by this weird pale kid who didn't even grow up here. But Tyler sees an upside, too, in that now he gets to hit Stefan. With his body. Over and over. (Those people who say football is a tad homoerotic might be onto something, to be honest.)

Then Caroline shows up with Damon in a convertible Chevy of some kind. She actually says "I got the other brother, hope you don't mind," to Elena, which is some passive-aggressive shit right there. Then, Damon gives Elena a smug look.

Really, it's Damon's standard look.

Elena is kind of sucking it up at practice, and she doesn't seem to be really feeling it. Instead, she drifts off to watch Stefan own the whole team at football. Matt deliberately throws him a high pass so that Tyler can tackle him (because Tyler hasn't been able to get his hands on Stefan ALL PRACTICE) and Stefan overhears this, and rolls with it. Also, dislocates a finger, which he just slides back into place. I actually accidentally paused the instant his damaged finger was shown and had to hit play and let it pass because oog. This whole scene makes me want to take him aside and explain how this is not helping his 'lay low and hope nobody notices I'm a creature of the night' plan. Especially since if anyone starts bleeding on field his face will either go all weird and veiny or he'll have to vamoose off the field, both of which are kind of obvious.

Damon knows all about the football thing, and ribs Stefan about it when Stefan gets home from practice. Which... actually is quite brotherly, come to think it. Then he talks about how hot Elena is (...again, I'm going with 'brotherly') and how he's going to use Caroline as a fuckable snack. Which is where the 'creepy vampire' part comes in.

Bonnie comes over to dinner, first telling Elena all about the numbers she's been apparently obsessed with all day. Elena makes the same crack I made when I first heard the words come out of Bonnie's mouth, that they should play the lottery. I knew I liked her. One of Elena's quirks is that she is incapable of cooking, dinner consists of her dumping take away Italian food in serving bowls. Bonnie gives her shit, informing her that she ain't fooling anybody, and then Stefan shows up and they have awkward silences for dinner until Bonnie reveals her families origin story (something about Salem witches) and Stefan tells her how cool it is. Which apparently rinses all the awkward away.

Awkward and take out food. Yum.

Damon somehow knows they are all out of awkward and shows up with Caroline, dessert, and all the family awkward he can carry. This presents once of the huge dangers of the vampire menace being a big secret- Elena invites Damon in, not knowing how dangerous it is to her and her loved ones. Stefan looks like he might be sick at the very thought, but he can't exactly out Damon without outing himself.

Damon slips into the kitchen for an alone moment to talk to Elena about Katherine. He's basically using Elena to use Katherine to troll Stefan, because they're brothers. Elena asks Damon about Katherine, and he starts describing her. This prompts her to ask Damon "So, which one of you dated her first?" Damon seems a little irritated at her perception. He changes the subject to cheer-leading, and suggests she drops it. Which is possibly the first honest thing he's said to her- he points out that she's clearly not enjoying it and it's not really important to her anymore. Life advice from Damon Salvatore, everybody. Then Elena says "I'm sorry about Katherine. You lost her too." Which blindsides him completely. You can actually see the moment where he falls for her.

I'm sorry but half this show is me going DAMON YOUR FACE.

Bonnie comes in to help with the dishes, ending the moment. Stefan is in the other room, trying to get Caroline to take off her scarf for reasons I don't entirely understand- Damon has as good as told Stefan that he's snacking on her, I can't imagine Stefan needs evidence for that. Maybe he's trying to figure out if Caroline is in on the secret or being compelled, which is bizarrely hopeful (and also very in character for Stefan). Damon interupts Caroline and Stefan, and compels Caroline to go wash dishes. So, if that's what Stefan was curious about, question answered. When Stefan insists it's time for Damon to leave, Damon points out that it doesn't matter if he leaves because he can come back and creep on Elena whenever he likes.

Later that night, Elena tries to convince Stefan that the night had been a success. This leads to sexy makeouts, which turns into Let's Get Naked. Then Stefan turns into Damon when he rips off his shirt. Elena has much more interesting (read: hot) dreams than I do, mine normally involve incongruous rhinos or something. When she wakes up, there is a crow at the window. Damon is abusing his invite, guys. Lets all pretend to be shocked for a second.

Elena decides to drop cheer-leading, and we get a Stefan voice over about how he knows there is good in Damon. See? I told you that shit got toned down. Stefan digs out a silver locket of some kind and gifts it to Elena at school. He's wearing his football jersey and looking mighty hot.

I didn't like jocks in high school but there's something about the guy wearing a jersey.
Then there's a pep rally, wherein Coach Tanner talks about how one member of the team is gonna make everything better, which is just shitty coaching on his part. This leads to Tyler storming off to talk to Vicki, which turns into a fight between Jeremy and Tyler. Stefan breaks it up, but gets a huge ass cut on his hand. Elena sees this, and freaks out about it. Stefan lies and says it never happened,  because it's already healed by the time she gets to look at it.

Elena, suspecting that something is Wrong (she's right) asks Bonnie about the weird feeling she had. Bonnie demurs about it, and then admits it was a bit like getting close and personal with the grim reaper. Which isn't subtle, but then, none of the plot points are.

Elena is loading something into her car for some reason and Damon ninjas behind her. He starts being an ass about Caroline, trying to play Caroline off Elena. Elena calls him out on being an asshole, pointing out that Caroline is one of her besties. She also calls him out on how he's always saying stuff with double meanings. Naturally, he tries to compel her into letting him kiss her. The compelling doesn't work, and Elena slaps him, tells him off for being a world class jerk and trying to use her against Stefan, and exits.

That's the second time someone has hit Damon in the face this episode. You go, girls.

Matt later makes kinda-buddies with Stefan because Stefan was looking out for Jeremy. It's a budding bro-mance. Damon pops up on Stefan and mentions the vervain in her necklace as the reason why he couldn't compel Elena- and I understand that this is all Stefan can do to keep her safe without revealing his big secret, but Damon is breaking into her house at night and screwing with her dreams. This is not a recipe for success, Stefan. Time to maybe quit it with the secret crap.

Stefan suggests that Damon likes Elena too much to actually hurt her, and that the reason Stefan is still alive is that Damon cares about him. He goes further to suggest that Damon has FEELINGS. Damon, stung by accusations of humanity, tears out Coach Tanner's throat.

I'll admit it- I cheered. Tanner sucked.

Matt first calls Tyler out on being an extra SPECIAL dick lately (Dick Olympics, I'm saying). Matt later discovers Tanner's body, and when Bonnie stumbles on the scene we discover that the numbers she's been seeing were related to the scene of the attack. Shock of shocks, she might actually be a witch.

Elena is still wigged about Stefan's hand. Stefan is writing about how he thought Damon might still be human, but isn't. Meanwhile, Damon is creeping on Elena and stroking her face while she sleeps. Which is A: creepy and B: actually proves Stefan's "You still have humanity" point. Although if Stefan truly believes that Elena is in danger, if he's willing to do anything to protect her, maybe a fucking warning is in order. Especially since Damon can sneak into her house and vanish without ever being seen.

Just saying.

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