Saturday, April 19, 2014

Depression

Okay, so it's been a while.

I left my husband, moved to a different state, and pretty much... fell into a hole. Part of this was because my computer's motherboard took a dive, and it took a while to replace it and get my computer back up and running again because we also had to replace the chipset, re-install windows, and then it took me a while to find my windows 7 activation code.

Part of this was, naturally, because I've been fucking depressed. Greg and I started dating in high school, and he really has been my only romantic relationship. With him, I knew where my life was going and how it would be for the next few years, at least. Even though it wasn't going well and I was pretty miserable, I knew what was going to happen. I was right to leave, but leaving suddenly tore that knowledge up. It left this huge, gaping hole in my life and in my future, and that was enough to trigger a depressive episode.

I've always struggled with depression, and was diagnosed when I was 17 (or so) after another huge, life-changing event. I was on medication at the time, but it caused me some other problems (it triggered migraines and didn't really help) so I dropped the medication, and have gone unmedicated ever since. Most of the time, it's something I can deal with. This has been my longest episode of depression since high school (I think) and it wasn't exactly unexpected.

I'm feeling... better. Not really on top of it, yet, but better. Much better.

I am hoping that this is not a brief glimpse of the light, but a true end to this depressive episode.

I miss blogging about stuff, talking to you guys and getting feedback. I miss chatting with people, I miss participating in stuff, and I've missed a lot of other things.

I plan on trying to blog regularly. I have a few ideas, so I'm going to start work on them as soon as I finish this and put it up, but I don't want to promise anything if I'm not up to it, long-term. I hope I am, I feel like I am, and I'd certainly like to be.

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