tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90413089788242148442024-03-13T00:36:38.409-05:00Bethany the MartianMovie reviews, TV show reviews and recaps, occasional rambling.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-81822017134286393682018-07-19T17:25:00.000-05:002018-07-19T17:25:05.621-05:00Book Review: The Serpent's Shadow by Mercedes LackeyLook, I'm on a Lackey kick, what can I say?<br />
<br />
TW: for this book- racism (both overt in text and by the author), sexual assault, mention of torture and abuse. Oh also a good bit of fatphobia to start the book out with.<br />
<br />
One of the primary issues that this book talks about is race. The hero, Dr. Maya Witherspoon, is a young woman of mixed heritage (Indian and British) and it's often a factor. I honestly don't know that there's a good way to handle this. I admire the attempt to use a young WOC, and the strong feminist message that is an attempted here. But the other side of it is that it is a send up of Snow White, and so the villain is a fully Indian relation of the main character. It can be read as a 'the proper White magic versus the evil Dark magic' though Lackey does try to indicate that even the dark goddess the Thuggee worship turns away from the Big Bad.<br />
<br />
It's an attempt, and worth trying, but imperfect and so worth mentioning.<br />
<br />
There is a attempt at handling racism in a nuanced way. She talks about the disregard from her peers (she's a Doctor of Medicine) and how troubling it is. One of her potential allies balks because of her heritage- later declares himself to have been wrong and all. Like it's not just 'all the bad guys are racists all the good guys are not, they're also feminists' that you sometimes see. But the book and story- the whole series of books- is so simplistic in the way it handles other morals that it fails to be as nuanced as it could.<br />
<br />
The main plot is this: Dr. Witherspoon flees India after the death of her father, her mother having died of illness some time prior to that, afraid of some nebulous enemy she doesn't entirely know. She is a fish out of water in England, dealing with the double prejudice of being a woman and not fully English, working as a doctor under adverse circumstances, she works in charity clinics as well as working for the mistresses and women of the stage- she spreads information about how to prevent births, among other things, and while it's not openly stated it's hinted that she provides abortions. She is struggling to learn magic and has nobody to teach her, until Peter Scott is sent (by the White Lodge, a collective body of the Good Magicians in London) to investigate the hints of magic they've seen of hers. He elects to teach her as her wicked aunt follows her to London, with two goals: conquer England, and steal Maya's power for herself.<br />
<br />
There's something about Lackey's writing that's immediately immersive, at least to me. And I find myself falling inside the text often- even if the flaws jerk me out, sometimes. It's probably her strongest quality, as a writer, to make something touch and taste and feel real. The London in her writing is probably not the real London of the time period, but if feels like it could be.<br />
<br />
Maya is a great character. She is compassionate without reserve, her driving goal is to fix all the problems within her reach. She heals the rich women who can afford to pay her well, and she heals the sick street thief who cannot afford to pay her at all. She is often angry, something that is nice to see in regards to someone being so compassionate- her anger is sometimes a motivating force. Too often we see anger and it's usefulness downplayed.<br />
<br />
Peter Scott is an interesting character, a new member of the White Lodge, he wants to challenge the way things are done there. When Lord Alderscroft refuses to bring Maya in and instruct her, he undertakes to instruct Maya himself, as well as he can. He's a water mage, whereas Maya is an Earth mage, and the two are described as complimentary.<br />
<br />
One of the two great failings of this book (the other is the racism), that always makes me shake my head as I read it, is Peter's character indulging in 'not like the other girls' about Maya. About how much smarter and more interesting she is than any other woman he's ever met, about how frivolous and silly most women are. If this had ever been addressed in text- Maya pointing out that she knows a great number of women who are just as intelligent and serious as she is, and that he's being ridiculous, of course she loves him but he's neither any more nor any less intelligent and kind than his 'twin' Lord Peter Almsey. If it were addressed in text, it would be a forgivable breach of a man who tries not to be sexist but sometimes indulges in it because society. Instead, it's just a hurtful trope, used to justify a romance that, in my view, doesn't need it.<br />
<br />
The ending to this book does not feel nearly as <i>pat</i> as the previous entry in the series. I mean, they're based in fairy tales, and instead of going down the grim route they have a tendency to end happily. But there's a real feeling of danger towards the end, and there's some fascinating stuff about the gods siding with Maya. The epilogue is very sweet and amusing, I think, and whilst the book is far from perfect, I find it very enjoyable. I have a tendency to pick this one up when I'm feeling really down in the dumps.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-81799201081143400692018-07-10T13:55:00.001-05:002018-07-10T13:55:19.029-05:00Book Review: The Fire Rose by Mercedes LackeyThis book, I believe, was technically the first book published in the Elemental Masters series, although for a long time I thought that was The Serpent's Shadow. It's often listed as book 0, so possibly it's been retconned into the Elemental Masters series? I think it predates the idea of there being a series, and the magic in The Fire Rose does not work the way magic is later revealed to work.<br />
<br />
Er, really it doesn't matter, I just wanna talk about it for a bit. (Also, like, the book is almost old enough to vote so I have no hesitancy in spoiling the whole thing. If that's an issue for you, that's fair! But you have been warned.)<br />
<br />
The core of the Elemental Masters books (and why I'm willing to concede that The Fire Rose is one) is the basis in fairy tales. The Fire Rose is a play on Beauty and the Beast, and one of the more interesting, if flawed, ones.<br />
<br />
(It should be noted that, for all the flaws, I genuinely enjoy all of the Elemental Masters books in their own right. When I talk about the flaws, it's coming from a place of love.)<br />
<br />
TW in regards to this book: the book has suicidal thoughts, reference to slavery and abuse, sexual assault and torture. The latter is not particularly detailed, but enough to be disturbing to some. Also, racism. (I'm not 100% sure but I will just say in general that a slur for Romani ppl is used often and regularly in the entire series so watch out for that.)<br />
<br />
The year is 1905, and Rosalind (known as Rose) is recently orphaned, in debt up to her eyebrows, with nobody to help and no prospects in Chicago. Jason, a wealthy railway baron who accidentally deformed and disabled himself through an attempt at changing forms (he's vaguely werewolf-y), stalks her mildly and issues her a job offer that she was designed not to refuse, a lie of a job offer to bring her to an isolated California Mansion. He wrote to her mentor and said "I have two kids, a sick boy and a smart girl, they need a tutor educated in [exactly the things Rose is educated in]". He has an enemy mage who has subverted Jason's creepy secretary, and the plot divides time between creepy secretary doing evil things while working against Jason and Jason and Rose working towards a cure while Rose learns that magic exists/learns how to magic.<br />
<br />
One of the flaws of a lot of Elemental Masters books, and indeed some other Lackey books I can name, is the temptation to make the main character a little overtly 'logical'. Like too often the character will approach a situation 'logically' to arrive at a conclusion that is, frankly, illogical (if true), in order to be plot convenient.<br />
<br />
Like Rose is completely baffled by the utterly quiet 'servants' (they turn out to be magical creatures) and the lack of ever seeing, like, a single cook. But she's not <i>unnerved</i> by it until, like, well into the novel when she is being introduced to the concepts of magic (real magic, in universe). Like it's not until she's Ready to accept magic as a Thing that she starts to go 'hey like I have literally seen only Jason's creepy secretary the whole time I've been here, that's weird, and I need an explanation, because this seems not only creepy but really invasive'.<br />
<br />
It's to the point where she's worried that the creepy secretary is the one who's bringing stuff in and out of her room all the time, and that thought... kinda creeps her out? Except not enough to really question it, I guess. Like it's very Plot Convenient I guess, the rate at which she finally realizes there's, like, maybe three people on the whole property at any given time.<br />
<br />
What would have made this book really a lot more interesting is if Lackey would have let the character be as creeped out as occasionally was warranted, maybe even let her come to a somewhat reasonable if incorrect conclusion. Like, she only lays eyes on one other person for a good portion of the book, and never meets Jason in the flesh. It would have been great if at some point she was like 'maybe ghosts???? harmless ghosts but maybe???' and was creeped out but the money and perks were still pretty good so...<br />
<br />
Or totally freaked out about it to the point of asking Jason, so he alters the methods by which his 'servants' aid her in a way to have an easier explanation but she's still like 'where tf is everybody? for real?' And maybe she can just dismiss it that first night because she's so tired and still grief stricken and what not and gets settled before she goes 'hey wait this is still weird just less obviously so'.<br />
<br />
I mean it's a little... gas lighty, honestly. But without having the character confront him about it, it's not openly gas lighting, which possibly Lackey was trying to avoid. I don't know which is better, tbh, there may not be a good answer that isn't, like, 'structurally change the entire book'.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this leads me to Jason's personality. He's kind of an interesting male lead in that he's a lot more ambiguously good than many of the characters in the later elemental masters series.<br />
<br />
It's just that, you know, not a whole lot was done with that. Like there could have been a 'this mindset worked when you looked like a person and were not possibly fighting with the wild angry wolf inside of you, but now that you have this issue you gotta work a lot harder at being a person and not an animal'. Or even Rose having the 'he's an asshole but he's my asshole' mindset which, like, fair. (The epilogue is, basically, HE'S NOW NICE FOREVER BECAUSE REASONS.)<br />
<br />
Like in the text, Jason and his Enemy Fire Mage are barely discernable from one another, personality wise. One does magic the Right(tm) way and the other one does magic the Wrong and Evil (tm) way. They both know about the creepy secretary's 'habits' and Jason chooses to ignore whilst the Enemy Fire Mage encourages, but... like. The Creepy Secretary goes to whore houses specifically to 'break' the enslaved women who are not consigned to their lot. He violently and horribly rapes women, and Jason is essentially like 'enh' about it for most of the book. Like I know it's a fairy tale and there's expected to be a happy ending but it seems like Jason's personality turn around has no grounding in the text. There's no moment where Rose learns the truth about Creepy Secretary, takes it to Jason and he goes 'uh, so?', no point at which he mentally confronts himself about his own personal ambiguity. It's mentioned but in passing, and never comes up again.<br />
<br />
It is what happens so often in many of these books, where the book itself is enjoyable enough but just narrowly missed being a much more interesting and complex book. There's really not much that separates Jason from his enemy, other than the enemy uses drugs and Jason only reluctantly takes opium for the pain (and leaves off when the Chinese doctor says 'hey drugs are bad mmkay take my herbs instead').<br />
<br />
It's super common in the Elemental Masters books for the bad guys to Use Drugs and the good guys to Not. There's not a lot of nuance in most of them, and that's okay because they often clearly set out to not have that nuance (like they're fairy tales that's the whole point) but this is the one book in the series that could have stepped further out of bounds, and it's almost like she was too hesitant to do so.<br />
<br />
As a note on the Chinese doctor: I hesitate to comment too much on how racist the portrayal is, it's very stereotypical in one sense, but I just don't know enough about Asian racism to make a full comment on it. There are good points: even before Rose knows he has studied Western Medicine, she treats him like a doctor. There is no attempt at writing in any stereotypical Chinese 'accent', and he is an Elemental Master in equivalent of strength to Jason, though his element is different, and he speaks of his magic being different from Western, but equivalent to. His 'wisdom' comes through a different knowledge base than Jason or Rose's (doctorin' rather than medieval languages or business) and not, like, he's just a wise old Chinese guy.<br />
<br />
But he does fulfill that trope to enough of an extent that it's uncomfortable, plus in the end there's another Wise Old Chinese guy who kind of pops out of nowhere when convenient. There's a lot of talk about white slavery and stuff and how dangerous Chinatown is and whatnot, and I have no idea how period-accurate that is, but given that most of these stories are only vaguely period accurate anyway, I feel a lot of it coulda been done without.<br />
<br />
(As well as, frankly, the rapist subplot of the creepy secretary. Which also delves into some pretty racist territory. Ugh.)<br />
<br />
This is frankly, one of the darkest of the Elemental Masters books, in tone. But it really is a proto-Elemental Masters book, as the series develops you can see how far away from this start you get. (For example, a Plot Point of this book is that Fire Masters cannot Share a Town, or really a State, and the very next Elemental Masters book features two married Fire Masters so...)<br />
<br />
You get some of the good parts of the Elemental Masters books- the great descriptions of food and clothing (look I'm a simple creature who takes comfort in simple things), there's some really great mutual unrequited love in this book which actually works- Jason's so wolfy that his face is less expressive than were he fully a dude, they both are really conscious of the class boundary, blah blah blah. It is, as always in these books, resolved in a way that's a little <i>too</i> pat, and the series as a whole could use more complexity (though some of it is present later in the series), there's a lot to enjoy here as well.<br />
<br />
Oh, and for those of you who (like me) were super disappointed with how not-hot Beast was in the Disney movie, this book was possibly written with that in mind. Beast does not become Human.<br />
<br />
What many of the other Elemental Masters books have, and this one lacks, is lots of magic. While the book centers around magic, it's mostly around the character learning magic in a way that... just they talk a lot about magic while not expressing how that magic is done, for the most part? Ceremonies and such are skipped around or mentioned but not put in frame. They apparently involve a lot of chalk diagrams and calling to the elements. She simplifies the magic system a lot, which leads to more fun with magic.<br />
<br />
If you like the Elemental Masters books and want to read the Beginning, it's fine, but I definitely would not recommend starting the Elemental Masters books here.<br />
<br />
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<br />Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-24498410872458384382015-06-02T15:40:00.005-05:002015-06-02T15:40:58.139-05:00Hannibal Series Three: Thoughts on What May ComeThis is written with the assumption that you are up to date on what went on during the first two seasons, and is speculating about what may come up during season three. It may contain mild spoilers (stuff I've read that I don't remember as being spoilers) and wild ass guesses about the upcoming season of Hannibal, and definitely contains spoilers for previous seasons of the show, as well as book spoilers.<br />
<br />
Season two ended on a cliffhanger. Will Graham, Abigail Hobbs, Alana Bloom, and Jack Crawford all injured, potentially fatally, at Haus Hannibal, while Dr. Lecter saunters off into the sunset with Bedelia Du Maurier. Bryan Fuller has said that at least one of those people is permanently and irrevocably dead.<br />
<br />
We must remember, though, that Fuller has said that Abigail Hobbs was for sure, really, for realz dead at the end of season one and that turned out to be a Big Fat Lie. Do not trust the word of God, in this case, because he is tricksy and will lie to preserve plot developments. (Related: nobody is dead until you have seen their body, or at least an identifiable portion which they cannot live without- a head, for example.)<br />
<br />
I posit that the most likely dead of those four is Abigail- we knew Will wasn't going to die, and we've seen him in the trailers, as have we seen Alana <i>and</i> Abigail. I can't remember if Jack Crawford has appeared in any of the trailers, but I know that Fishburne has given interviews and I'm pretty sure he's up in Toronto filming, like, as we speak. (As it were.)<br />
<br />
(I wish I could find the trailer that I saw Abigail in, but it doesn't matter, because I'm pretty sure she was from Will Graham's mind palace. I'm willing to postulate that Abigail is hella dead, if anybody is.)<br />
<br />
It seems that they are drawing strongly from elements of the book, <u>Hannibal</u>, for this season, as well as using Francis Dolarhyde's plotline from <u>Red Dragon</u>. This is a great choice for a lot of reasons.<br />
<br />
Reason the first- Du Maurier is filling in some of Clarice Starling's role from the book, <u>Hannibal</u>. This is ideal because, while I still wish that they could get Starling into the series, the way that Hannibal gets her into his life is decidedly icky. So, in the first place, Du Maurier and Hannibal are playing out the post-credits sequence of that book (as it were) where Starling and Lecter run off to Brazil together. But Du Maurier does it with eyes wide open- she knows what kind of a monster Lecter is, or at least can guess. She goes for her own reasons. In the second place, Du Maurier has the kind of internal strength we expect from Starling. She can look the monster in the eye and still talk to him. <br />
<br />
Reason the second- <u>Red Dragon</u> is, technically, the first Hannibal Lecter book, but it's not a really a Lecter book. He's barely in the damned thing. He made a strong impression on Harris, clearly, but if you read the book it's clear that Lecter is sort of a footnote in the overall plot. <u>The Silence of the Lambs</u> is dominated by Lecter's personality and his interaction with Starling, but <u>Red Dragon</u> is more about Graham's process, how he solves the Dolarhyde murders, and how much it tears him up.<br />
<br />
Combining these two storylines (and also elements of Hannibal Rising, come to think of it, which I've only read and seen once) provides a richer ground for the series to make it's own way through these stories. We already know how conflicted and torn up Will Graham is about his abilities, how much it effects him, so we need for other things to carry the story. Dolarhyde, and a firmer relationship with Lecter (who will presumably be locked up during this portion of the season) will help to fill in those gaps.<br />
<br />
Reason the third- stunning visuals is another thing that this show does very, very well. Adding Florence (and possibly Paris?) and a flamboyant, conflicted serial killer to the roster is going to give them a lot of elbow room to work.<br />
<br />
I do believe that they are going to subtract or downplay the rape from Dolarhyde's murders for the series, I believe Fuller has stated that he would pull those out but I can't find the interview off the top of my head so I can't say for certain.<br />
<br />
I think we're going to see Lecter captured, this season, though it's hard to say when that may happen. I imagine we'll get a couple of episodes (2-3 is my guess) after the Europe storyline where 1: Lecter is undergoing his trial while 2: Will Graham is off with his dogs and Molly AND 3: Dolarhyde is killing people and meeting Reba and 4: Crawford and the forensic dudes (BEVERLY WE MISS YOU) are trying to work it out. These storylines will probably bleed over each other and into each other until they are essentially one- Will Graham may very well need to testify at Lecter's trial, we know that Crawford draws Graham into the case by visiting him and his wife and pulling him back in for one more go, and Lecter gains a side interest in Dolarhyde.<br />
<br />
I think this season, if no other, has a chance to more or less end like the book. Particularly because it's a strong, awful ending and this show sort of specializes in those, though it would be particularly quiet. Reba, saved, Dolarhyde stopped. But Graham alone and devastated, and Hannibal (though still locked up) has won. In fact, one of my favorite quotes from Harris is from the end of <u>Red Dragon</u><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Yes, he had been wrong about Shiloh. Shiloh isn't haunted--men are haunted.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Shiloh doesn't care.</i></blockquote>
It's a hell of a way to end a book, anyway, and I think we can look forward to a poetic soliloquy from Will Graham about Shiloh, at some point.<br />
<br />
(Look I love Graham's half-creepy poetic soliloquys and Dancy always acts the hell out of them and this is one of my favorite quotes- please, <strike>Santa</strike> Bryan Fuller, <i>I have been so good.</i>)<br />
<br />
A note about Freddie Lounds- I have honestly NO IDEA what they're going to do to her, but I kinda hope that she ends up injured, but still going- Fuller plays loose and fast with canon, anyway, and I <i>love</i> Freddie Lounds like whoa. We all know nothing short of death will stop her, so fingers crossed that she gets hurt, but doesn't go down.<br />
<br />
(I also hope that they change the way they bait Dolarhyde- in the book they basically piss him off by calling him gay in the paper, in the hopes that he tries to drop in on Graham over it, and it blows back on Lounds, instead. I suspect they'll try to shake him out with an article, but I hope it's done in a less shitty way- that seems likely, IMO, but it's something to look out for.)Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-58886830345359559822014-10-09T12:49:00.002-05:002014-10-09T12:50:44.971-05:00Is it me?<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Every writer knows this feeling, I
think.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Staring at your work in progress,
watching the cursor blink at you.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It almost seems to mock, doesn't it?
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'd been writing,
white hot. Going like blazes-</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
-and suddenly I
caught up to what I was writing.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was a sudden
stop, my stomach lurching inside of me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Like thinking
there's one more step to a staircase you're going down a little too
fast, and stumbling.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Like that.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was alone in the
house. I'm always alone in the house, anymore. I have a roommate, but
she's got a new girlfriend and is spending most of her time away.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No big deal.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Except, well,
moments like this can make you aware of how alone you are, you know?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was playing a
little bit of music to make the little soft sounds of a house that
settles less obvious.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Less intrusive.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Less... ominous.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The house is
noisier when there's more than one person in it, but it's also a
valid mental excuse for the noise. You're not so alert and aware of
the noises, because there's a conceivable reason for them. They slip
under your notice.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Alone, the house is
louder.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Because it is just
a house, and it is not supposed to make noise at all.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So I play soft
music while I write in the dark reaches of the night, when I cannot
sleep.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don't sleep much,
these days.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Sigh</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The sigh came from
my left. It sounded, at first, like a dog sighing.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(I own no dog.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I turned all the
way around, spinning my office chair and blinking, owlish, in the
dark room.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I knew there was
nobody.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was obviously
nobody.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was nobody
but me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was either under
caffeinated or over.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I tried to think
back to my last cup of coffee, couldn't remember when it happened.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was a cold
and empty mug on my desk, and the last remains of my previous cup had
dried in the bottom.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I got up to make
another.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">I have
one of those ridiculous machines that take the little cups. Do you
know the kind? My roommate bought it after the last coffee maker shat
the bed. I'd rather have a more normal machine, but it seems silly to
have </span><i>two </i><span style="font-style: normal;">coffee
makers.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Excessive.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
They make lots of
noise when they operate, a big huff at the end.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Normal noises.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I like my coffee
sweet- lots of cream and lots of sugar. Coffee purists fuss at me
over this, but fuck 'em.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(When I worked in
an office, I considered getting a mug that said something to that
effect. I decided it wasn't going to be worth the discussion with HR,
but only just.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I drank that cup
straight off, just standing at the counter. Started another one, this
one to take back to the office and sip at for a while.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
More to have
something to do with my hands while I stared at the fucking cursor
than anything else, honestly, but the caffeine would help.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Probably.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I took my cup of
creamy coffee back to the office, sat in my chair.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I turned, again,
looking around.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It sounded
somewhere between animal and electrical, I guess. It could have been
either. A human. I couldn't tell.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was regular. It
was such a neutral noise, it could have been any number of things.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A burst of static.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A rattle of a
plastic bag on a fan.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But it still
sounded like breathing, to me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I cut the music.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I checked my
roommate's desktop, to see if it was on and making weird noises, but
it was off.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I opened the closet
to see if there was anything in there.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(or any<i>body</i>)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I stepped out of
the office into the hall.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I couldn't hear the
noise, anymore.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was only in the
office.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I went back in and
sat back down and put on music again.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Turned the music up
louder.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Tried to write.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I checked all the
outlets in the room. Maybe it was an electrical noise of some kind.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I glanced at the
covered window.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I tried to
remember- was the window open, tonight?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It was nice and
cool outside, the heat of the summer fading into the pleasant
coolness of fall.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I may have opened
the window at some point.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Or Ellie (the
roommate) may have. She left a snickers bar on my desk the last time
I slept.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(When was that?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
She might have.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But the curtains
were heavy, and blocked all light out. And I wondered- is something
on the other side?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
An animal, maybe.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Or a person?
Breathing into the screen would definitely make that noise, I
realized.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Regular,
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
even,
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
heavy breathing.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I considered
pulling the curtain away from the window.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">But</span><i>-
</i>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i> </i><span style="font-style: normal;">no.
</span>
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I got the big
flashlight- the heavy metal one that I have at least two of- and
eased open the front door. I didn't turn it on, that's not it's
purpose.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Not yet.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The flashlight was
heavy in my hand.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Cold.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Solid.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Real.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I see well in the
dark, but it wasn't needed.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The moon was full,
silver moonlight reflecting off of dewy grass. Most people could see
pretty well in this light.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I eased my way
around the house, the cold metal of the flashlight warming in my hot
hand.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was nobody
standing in the bushes outside of my window.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I sighed in relief.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(A real sigh.)
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Human.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I turned the
flashlight on, and saw no animals.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No animal eyeshine.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nothing shuffling
away.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The window was
shut.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I switched the
flashlight off. Looked up at the moon's silver face. The wind played
on my face.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Cool.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pleasant.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was a dog
barking in the distance.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I heard cars on the
main road, passing.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The deep thrumming
of a subwoofer in a car with the music cranked up.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Real noises.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Human.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I went back inside.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Shut and locked the
front door.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Went back into the
office.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I started to clean
the office.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Straightened
papers.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Cleared away some
trash.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Creak.</i></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
What
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
the
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span><i>fuck</i><span style="font-style: normal;">?</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I remembered-
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
-I'd left the
front door unlocked.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Shut, but unlocked.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My back was to it.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Could someone have
slipped in?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could feel the
blinking cursor, in the back of my mind. Almost hear it, like the
ticking of a metronome.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I had left the big,
heavy flash light in the other room.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was only my
coffee mug on the desk.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Empty.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Did I drink the
coffee?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I picked up the
empty mug.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The last of the
coffee had dried in the bottom.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(What time is it?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The mug was smooth
and heavy and cold in my hands.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(How much time has
passed?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Not much of a
weapon.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>(How long has this been going on?)</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I opened the closet
door, sliding it quietly aside.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nothing in the
closet. A dresser full of junk, tucked away. A guitar neither of us
played.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(What day is it?)
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I checked the
calender.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">September
6? No, it's October. It's </span><i>October, dammit</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Isn't it?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The internet was
down. The calendar in the other room hasn't been changed since
February or January
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(I really shouldn't
bother with paper calendars anymore).</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I finished checking
the house.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was nobody.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There was nothing
out of place.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nothing with me.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Except the noise.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span><i>Noises</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The noises.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the office.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I went to stand in
the office.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I couldn't figure
out where the noises were coming from.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Every way I turned,
it seemed that the noise was on my left.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I checked the
calendar on my computer again.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
October.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Checked again.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
September.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">(When
was the last time I left the house? </span><i>Really</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
left the house?)</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(When was the last
time I saw my roommate?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When was the last
time I went to the store?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Talked to someone
on the phone?
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
How much coffee
have I had?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I closed my eyes.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Opened them.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was standing in
the kitchen, a cup of coffee in my hands.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hot.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Black.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could taste black
coffee in my mouth, hot and bitter.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I closed my eyes.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Opened them.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was standing in
the office, a half empty cup of coffee in my hands.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hot.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Black.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My tongue felt
burnt, my throat raw. Like I'd been gulping it.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My mouth tasted
like ashes. Cigarettes and coffee.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(I haven't smoked
in years. Have I?)</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blink.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sigh.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creak.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The front door
opened.
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Liz?” A man's
voice, a voice I don't know.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The mug slipped
from my fingers.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hot coffee
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
splashed
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
on my bare feet</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
the
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
mug
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
cracked.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Who the fuck is Liz?</i></div>
Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-91230940911523737232014-05-27T13:53:00.000-05:002014-05-27T13:53:51.323-05:00Seasonal Post-Mortem Spectacular: Part 3Spoilers for the following: The Blacklist, and fucking Hannibal.<br />
<br />
The Blacklist:<br />
<br />
Okay, so, I just don't know how I feel about this show right now. I was pretty disappointed in the finale. The season has had bigger, more interesting story arcs. I felt like the episode that started the season 1 hiatus was much better and had a more interesting plot line than the actual finale. The Blacklist also has a habit of killing off prominent female characters while only injuring the prominent male characters. (Here's a <a href="http://bronata.tumblr.com/post/86547886872" target="_blank">good link</a> outlining that a little bit better.) One of the things I originally liked was that the show wasn't super white and male (I mean, it was, but not for tv), but that has been slowly whittled down over the length of season 1. I dunno, I'm going to end up watching Season 2 because my roommate is and I'm still vaguely interested, but I'm not really pumped for it. My feelings are a solid 'meh'. <br />
<br />
Hannibal:<br />
<br />
Okay, lemme just get this out of the way: HOLY FUCKBALLS<br />
<br />
*ahem*<br />
<br />
This season of Hannibal has had some rough moments. I'm still upset over what happened to Beverly, I'm still unhappy that Fuller had Margot have sex with Will. I understand his reasons, I really do, but even with that context, I wish he hadn't gone about it the way that he had. I would say that the season had 'growing pains', and hopefully it's something that Fuller learned from and will endeavor to do better with, in the future. Since Fuller has been good about listening to fans and their reactions in the past, I feel confident about that. <br />
<br />
That being said, the build up to reveal Abigail was amazing. I was, honestly, not surprised that she was still alive. They foreshadowed that with revealing that A: Miriam Lass was still alive, and B: by all the talk of fatherhood leading up to the final episode. One of the reasons that Hannibal tipped Mason Verger off to Margot's pregnancy was because of Abigail. He spoke of the teacup shattering, coming back together, and not only did we see the teacup come back together during that airing, but then Margot's pregnancy was terminated- Hannibal was <i>literally</i> making room in the world/Will's life for Abigail.<br />
<br />
Also, I know people are mad that Abigail shoved Alana out of the window (I didn't realize it was her, at first, I thought Hannibal had done it, I had to review the footage) but it's possible she did it to keep Hannibal from doing something worse. I mean, if she shoves Dr. Bloom out of the window she <i>might </i>die, but her apparent injuries (at the end of the episode) are possibly the least serious. And it's better than watching Hannibal kill Dr. Bloom with his bare fucking hands.<br />
<br />
In all honesty, I expected the season to end on this kind of note. I mean, at some point, Hannibal was going to gut Will Graham and flee, and Fuller seems to live by 'go big or go home', so this was a real emotional gutpunch of a finale. Though it ends with everything being awful (and <i>betrayal from our queen</i> Bedelia, <i>how could you?</i>) it's still a satisfying end to the Season 2 arc, and I look forward to season 3.<br />
<br />
Though I will remind you guys to not believe anything Bryan Fuller says about who lives or dies next season because <i>we all know that he fucking lies.</i> He lied about Abigail being for real dead. He will lie about who will live going into next season. <i>Do not trust the man.</i><br />
<br />
Things of note about Season 2:<br />
<br />
Early in the season, Dr. Bloom transforms into a flowing, liquid blackness. In the last episode, she is (symbolically) drowned in very similar black liquid. I don't know what it means, but man it looks cool. (Well, in the last episode it's symbolic of the taint she feels, but I don't know exactly how it's related to the earlier symbolism.)<br />
<br />
Red Fred: Part of the reason the show ends the way it ends is that Hannibal smells Freddie Lounds on Will, and (therefore) knows that she is alive. In his mind, she appears with a red face- clay red. It could be a number of things, of course, the red could be related to her hair, or the scent she was wearing that triggered Hannibal's memory response, but my roommate Lirenth suggested that it might be in reference to a Roman Triumph, because the red face paint reminds her of that. As soon as I badger her into writing a blog post about it, I'll link it here. Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-81328939685961814792014-05-19T19:29:00.001-05:002014-05-19T19:29:22.631-05:00Seasonal Post-Mortem Spectacular: Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)Spoilers for the following:<br />
<br />
Castle<br />
Agents of SHIELD<br />
Elementary<br />
<br />
Castle:<br />
<br />
Okay I just wanna touch on this <i>really quickly</i> because I didn't even think I was going to talk about Castle in one of these and then the season finale happened and now I'm grumpy about it. (And no, it's not the cliffhanger, it's not EVEN the worse cliffhanger Castle has done.)<br />
<br />
So, let's start with the single most irritating thing to me: there is no way that Beckett was secretly married and didn't find out during the background check that got her a job with the police department, much less the <i>Attorney Fucking General</i>. Having a husband but not disclosing it would have come up because it would have looked like she was trying to hide something from them.<br />
<br />
The 'oh I didn't know I was married!' trope is a tired and artificial way of creating conflict, especially since Castle and Beckett's lives <i>have plenty of fucking conflict goddamn</i>.<br />
<br />
Of course, this season also featured an episode that implied there was a time traveler so fuckin' whatever, I guess.<br />
<br />
<br />
Agents of SHIELD:<br />
<br />
Okay, so, this show was pretty rocky when it started out. I don't think anybody disagrees. I think everyone who stuck with it through the length of the show mostly did it because they wanted to know what the fuck happened to Coulson. (I mean, that's why I stuck it out through the bad bits.)<br />
<br />
The big problem was that the key event that really turned the show around happened in a movie that didn't come out until the season was almost over. Shit didn't get <i>really</i> interesting until SHIELD blew up in their faces, basically.<br />
<br />
I really enjoyed the season finale, not because it answered a lot of questions, but because it was incredibly cathartic and satisfying. The Fury ex Machina cranks pretty hard but I honestly have a hard time <i>giving any shits</i>.<br />
<br />
The Destroyer weapon came back around to Coulson, Ward got only about half the ass-whupping he deserved (fingers crossed that the next person to get her hands on him is the Black Widow, because <i>she heard he was talking shit</i>) but I did clap and squeal with delight when May NAILGUNNED HIS FOOT TO THE DAMN FLOOR. The team's dynamics have shifted, they've been betrayed, they've been through hell, and I just want Coulson to pack the Destroyer gun forever more. <br />
<br />
I do wonder, though, if this is one of those shows where you're going to tell people, "You know what? Just start watching at Season 2. Trust me."<br />
<br />
<br />
Elementary:<br />
<br />
What interests me about this season of Elementary is what we've seen Sherlock going through. He's faced some speed bumps in the road, and they're all about him losing people. He lost Irene/Moriarty at the end of season 1, of course, but he'd already lost her in the first place. This season has been about distancing (accidentally, mostly) Sherlock from the friends he's made. He's grown closer to his brother, only to have him ripped away at the end of the season. Joan is going to move out. One of Sherlock's only other friends died this season. We've heard <i>of</i> Miss Hudson, but we haven't seen her. We haven't seen Sherlock's sponsor, nor the young man he began to sponsor, except for that one episode (maybe another I'm not remembering, but they've been thin on the ground). Sherlock was built up in season 1, and season 2 has been about tearing all of that away again.<br />
<br />
Joan isn't moving out to tear foundations away from Sherlock, she's moving out because she needs to separate her life from his. She doesn't quite realize how important Sherlock believes that she was to his process (if she had, she would have been working on getting him less dependent on her, I have no doubt). Mycroft twigs to it: Sherlock's afraid that he can't do the work without either Joan or drugs, and when he becomes certain she's going to move out his response is WELP I GUESS IT'S DRUGS THEN. It was carefully set up to show Sherlock's true downfall, playing off the false one at the end of season 1.<br />
<br />
So here's what I suspect is going to happen next (this is based off what I know of the canon, and feel free to click away if you don't want to read guesses about next season):<br />
<br />
Sherlock is going to fuck off to England, back to Baker Street. I mean, undoubtedly, he'll do some traveling and he may be in New York from time to time, but I suspect he's going to end up there, at least part of the time. Joan is going to either go back to being a sober companion or, and I find this a little more likely, get her medical license back. It's possible that one or the other (or both) will <i>occasionally</i> consult with the NYPD.<br />
<br />
And either Joan will run into him while he's in New York and realize he is doing, like, all of the heroin, or Daddy Holmes will call her from England and be like "Pack a bag and grab your passport, you're going to fix my son <i>again</i>." Hijinks, naturally, ensue.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-71107461401012332872014-05-14T23:06:00.001-05:002014-05-14T23:06:59.873-05:00Bethany's Big-Damn Season Post-Mortem Spectacular: Part 1I wanted to say a few things about a lot of things that have ended seasons (and, in some cases, series) recently, and so I thought I would do a big post gathering all of my thoughts in one place. Spoilers follow for all of the shows listed. <br />
<br />
How I Met Your Mother:<br />
<br />
Yeah, yeah, I know everybody's put their two cents in on this one, and I've certainly bitched about it on Twitter, but I wanted to put my thoughts into longer form.<br />
<br />
While I was completely enraged by the series finale, I was also not all that surprised. While it's frustrating, the show really has been leading up to this, and the sad fact is that the show always has centered around Ted, who I find to be an insufferable douchenozzle of the highest order. I always enjoyed the other characters MUCH more than Ted, so an ending that gives Ted everything he wants is going to not be satisfactory to those of us who wish to see him get slapped with a fish until he starts crying. <br />
<br />
Still, I wish the last season had been handled differently. It's cruel to spend a whole season surrounding Robin and Barney's eventual wedding when their relationship ends in <i>tatters</i> three years later. Robin then, presumably, doesn't date again and completely ceases to hang out with her friends of 9 goddamn years, period. As a character, she is put on a shelf until Ted is ready for her, and that's completely fucking annoying. Both Robin and Barney lose years worth of character development in a few moments in the last season, and it's really upsetting for those of us who loved those characters and what they went through to get to where they started the final season. <br />
<br />
But the show was so absolutely <i>married</i> to the concept of Ted only meeting Tracy at the very, very end of the series that they refused to introduce the two of them any earlier at all, and it really tied their hands with what they felt they could do with it. I don't think I would have felt quite so cheated if they had explored everyone's lives after Barney and Robin's marriage much more thoroughly, but it was not meant to be.<br />
<br />
And Ted remains an asshat.<br />
<br />
The Crazy Ones<br />
<br />
I don't think I watched every single episode of this cancelled show, but I saw most of it. And I thought that it had it's moments, the whole cast was very funny and I felt that they all had good chemistry with each other. <br />
<br />
Though I enjoyed it, the show was certainly uneven, at best. There were several episodes that I, personally, found cringe-worthy. The uneven tone is, undoubtedly, due to the unscriptable nature of Robin Williams' style of comedy. It seems like they were getting better towards the end of the season, but earlier on there were times when it all kinda fell flat.<br />
<br />
Still, there were episodes that had me and my tv-watching roommate laughing so hard we had to pause and get our shit together.<br />
<br />
My favorite line from the season was when Sydney asks her guy of the episode "Do you even like David Boreanaz?" in tones of scandalized betrayal. (It got even funnier when I read about how Sarah Michelle Gellar used to go eat on the Bones set with Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel because their craft service had better food, since the line was in reference to the characters watching Bones together. That joke had, like, three layers and I still laugh thinking about it.)<br />
<br />
I can't say that I'm surprised the show got cancelled, but I do think that the show had legs and could have gone further. Still, it ended on a note that is satisfactory enough to leave be, and there are bound to be plenty of really funny cut scenes on the Blu Ray, should they release one.<br />
<br />
Almost Human<br />
<br />
I am still kinda sad about this show being cancelled, even though I had the feeling that was going to happen. It's a shame, because it is a show that I have <i>always fucking wanted</i>.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Police detective procedural <i>in the future</i> guys. </li>
<li>Karl Urban being grouchy about everything (which is, honestly, the main reason to watch the Star Trek movies). </li>
<li>Once, Karl Urban in <i>guyliner</i>.</li>
<li>And Michael Ealy as Dorian, who honestly replaced Data as my favorite fictional android. (Sorry, Data, I still <3 you.)</li>
</ul>
Also, props to the show for making a universe in which androids are not all white dudes (though the show was kinda shockingly white and dudely otherwise, which <i>is</i> disappointing). <br />
<br />
One of the themes of the show was exploring the difference between straight up non-person robots (the MX) and Dorian, who clearly was a fully realized person with his own thoughts and feelings. After Kennex kicked his MX partner out of the car in the first episode, my roommate bet me that one MX model would die an episode, and though it didn't go quite that far it was pretty close. Partially because it was a good way to introduce violence without having a lot of human characters die, and partially to demonstrate the emotional difference between an MX getting completely destroyed and Dorian getting damaged.<br />
<br />
It also showed a world where tech is both the enemy and the aid. Advanced forensic technology is met with advanced criminal tech in a bitter war. Class issues are touched upon (I have the feeling that they would have been worked in more in later seasons), like the 'chromes' who are genetically 'uplifted' kids, all of them the children of the rich. Or the final episode, where homeless victims are targeted by a serial killer. <br />
<br />
It's a show that I think had a lot more to say, but with the kind of expense that went into it, I can see why they didn't want to keep doing it. I think it cries out for an eventual comic continuation, though, and I would eagerly read a graphic novel continuing in this universe. (Especially if we finally get Dorian rooming with Kennex, because<i> I was teased about it and then it never happened you bastards</i>.)<br />
<br />
Also, I hope that Michael Ealy gets more work on anything, ever, because he is fantastic.<br />
<br />
(Coming up in Part 2, whenever I get around to it: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Hannibal, Elementary, The Blacklist.)Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-5912626830751747832014-04-21T11:00:00.000-05:002014-05-21T00:07:26.768-05:00Things I Like: Chef!With the introduction of shows like Downton Abbey and Sherlock, British television has really begun to reach mainstream America in a way that it really hasn't, before. But PBS has been showing British TV for a long time, and there are some of us who've been interested in it since we were little. I watched Doctor Who when I was little, but we also watched other stuff. There was Monty Python (naturally), Are You Being Served, Black Adder, Mr. Bean, Keeping Up Appearances, As Time Goes By, Fawlty Towers, Waiting for God- a really huge variety of shows. I didn't really watch a lot of 'normal' television before I turned 12 or 13 (my brother and I watched the Simpsons for a few episodes, but Mom banned it), it was mostly these shows that I watched.<br />
<br />
One of my all-time favorites, and one I don't hear a lot of people talk about, is Chef! (The name of the show is Chef!, I'm not being over-excited about it.) <br />
<br />
The show revolves around Gareth Blackstock (played by Lenny Henry), Chef de Cuisine at La Chateau Anglais, and is either the best chef in England or the best chef in the world (depends on who you ask).<br />
<br />
<br />
Gareth is very good at what he does, and gets furious when his kitchen doesn't meet his exceedingly high standards. He has no true people skills (when it comes to comforting someone going through a rough time or talking with customers about their meal, he's <i>terrible</i>) and is even worse at maintaining an even keel with his wife, relying on large romantic gestures to close the gap when he's fucked things up again.<br />
<br />
I have <i>heard</i> that Gareth's character is based partially on Gordon Ramsay, but I haven't been able to find that substantiated anywhere, and so I can't say for certain. I can certainly see why people might say that, though, and there are definitely similarities. <br />
<br />
The true humor of the show comes from the contrast of Gareth, who reigns his kitchen with an iron whisk, being thrust into incredibly awkward situations. It's about seeing the fish both in and out of water.<br />
<br />
There are only three characters that are consistent for the run of all three series (as it's a British show, series = seasons), Gareth Blackstock, his wife Janice, and Everton (a kitchen aid who grows into a talented chef under Blackstock's tutelage).<br />
<br />
<br />
Series One:<br />
<br />
Series One is mostly about Janice and Gareth selling their house and car so they can buy La Chateau, which was being terribly mismanaged, and their adventures in keeping La Chateau afloat. Everton, who went to school with Gareth long ago, wants to work under
him because Everton wants to be a chef, but he knows nothing about
cooking, so he is started as a kitchen menial. It is, without a doubt, the best series of the three, which is a little unfortunate. It culminates in the only Christmas episode in all three series. <br />
<br />
Series Two:<br />
<br />
Let's be clear: I really like the second series, too. It's not quite as good as series one, but it's still really good, and it ends in one of the best episodes in all three series. La Chateau is doing well, as a restaurant, though they are critically understaffed. They take on a new chef, who (it turns out) is an amazing chef, but also is an alcoholic who must be watched around the wine. He's also a sexist jackass. Everton, it becomes clear, has learned a lot under Gareth and really can cook. Much to Gareth's annoyance.<br />
<br />
Series Three:<br />
<br />
The problem with series three is that it, largely, takes place outside of the kitchen. People watch Chef! to see Gareth deal with his kitchen, but for the most part, it runs without him. Or he's far too depressed to do much more than show up and cook.<br />
<br />
Janice leaves him (which is only surprising, honestly, in that it has taken so long). This series deals with the fallout from that. Everton's growth as a chef is pushed aside by a new character, an incredibly annoying American woman. Everton's relationship with Gareth also seems to have been retconned a bit- they act a lot more like old school chums than they ever did. In previous series, Everton and Gareth had attended school together, but only really kinda knew of each other. It's also possible that this wasn't retconned, but had just never been explored in previous seasons. <br />
<br />
However, series three also resolves a lot of plot threads that have been laid down since series one, so if you're really involved with the characters, it's worth watching. (Honestly, meeting Everton's Auntie Clarice is worth the price of admission, in my opinion).<br />
<br />
**Important Edit: just discovered that Chef! is available on Hulu Plus, for those of you that have it. Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-59699198333553055402013-10-28T15:28:00.000-05:002013-10-28T15:28:17.273-05:00Thoughts on the Deep Blue Sea<br />
So I watched this movie the other day. Gonna go ahead and put a spoiler warning here, it's on Amazon Prime and Netflix (I think) if you wanna watch it. I don't get in depth but I do reveal the ending, so if that bothers you... anyway.<br />
<br />
I didn't actually know what it was about, but Tom Hiddleston and Rachel Weisz were in it, and that was good enough for me. (Please note: I often make movie watching decisions like this. "Welp, it's got [insert name in it] so why the fuck not?" Results are decidedly mixed.)<br />
<br />
Whooops.<br />
<br />
So, it's about relationships ending. I just moved to California and am planning on divorcing my husband of nearly 11 years, so let's just say it is <i>very fucking relevant</i> to my life.<br />
<br />
True story: I've never broken up with anybody before. I didn't really have any boyfriends in school (my teenage years were a goddamn mess and I didn't have the time or energy for friends of any variety) and so Greg was literally my first romantic relationship. <i>I've never even broken up with anybody before.</i><br />
<br />
A lot of the time, I don't know how to feel about it. I miss my friends and family, I miss Greg (in the same way I miss all my other friends, dude is literally one of three people I went to high school with that I still talk to, the other is my brother and the third is the person I moved in with), but I don't miss us in any significant way. I feel kind of numb when I think about it.<br />
<br />
It's curious, how well the movie captured the end of two very different relationships, and how both of those really resonated with me in different ways.<br />
<br />
Hester (Rachel Weisz) leaves a passionless marriage behind. It becomes clear, through the movie, that she's still fond of her husband, and he says he still loves her. He wants her back. This relationship serves more as a backdrop to the story between Hester and Freddie (Tom Hiddleston).<br />
<br />
Freddie and Hester have passion, but Hester knows that Freddie doesn't truly love her- not in the way that she loves him.<br />
<br />
I think of my separation from Greg as a quiet thing- when I told him I thought I should go, he agreed, and we were quiet and sad for awhile. But I forget all the fighting that had led up to it, all the little fights and the big fights.<br />
<br />
The end of the movie was probably what cut the deepest, for me. Freddie says something to Hester very like "We're lethal to each other," and he means it literally. Hester started the film with a suicide attempt. Freddie is a drunk, and his fights with Hester are driving him more and more into drinking. But it really resonated with me, and I think I can say this with real certainty- a relationship, any relationship, that has gone sour is a slow poison.<br />
<br />
I have watched my parents split up and get back together at least three separate times at this point (I would be fucking <i>furious</i> if they got back together again.) Countless friends have gone through dramatic divorces, quiet divorces, breakups of all varieties. I've had to frienddump people.<br />
<br />
When a relationship has gone bad, persisting in it is like a thousand tiny little cuts. You scrape along each other and leave the other raw and bleeding, and you don't mean to. It just <i>happens</i>.<br />
<br />
The end of that movie, man. Hester's husband wants her backs, offers to take her home, and she has to turn him down. It's hard for her- it'd be<i> easy</i> to go back. Like picking up an old habit. (I'm not gonna lie, that played a huge part in my decision to leave Norman- it'd be way too easy to go back to Greg.)<br />
<br />
The moment he tells her it's over, and you can tell it's wrecking him as much as it's wrecking her. For all her insistence that he doesn't love her (possibly true), he truly does care about her, and that's clear.<br />
<br />
That quiet conversation between Freddie and Hester the morning he leaves. Full of long, long silences. She shines his shoes one final time. He tells her that she should sell his golf clubs, to help cover bills. Asks her what she'll do with herself.<br />
<br />
It's all so practical, in so many ways, and it was exactly like the last four days or so I spent with Greg. Which movies and books I would take, what to do about the animals, what I'll do for work when I get here, splitting the money.<br />
<br />
The movie actually ends on a cheerful note, somewhat. You think Hester is about to try to kill herself again, but she's actually just turned on the gas fire and throws open the curtains, facing the day. I read a review about how it was supposed to signal the rebirth of England after WW2, and maybe it is. I don't know. (I think that sounds a little too cheesy pie, but I'd accept 'rebuilding your life after you think it's collapsed' and how that's applicable to all sorts of different shit.)<br />
<br />
The cheerful note didn't register with me. I'm still stuck in the silence that came between his "goodbye" and hers.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-22937333757277619942013-09-05T22:27:00.000-05:002013-09-05T22:27:52.162-05:00Thoughts about False Memory by Dean KoontzI think, though I am not entirely certain, that False Memory was the first Dean Koontz book I ever read. This would have been when I was between 16 and 18 years old. I enjoyed the book at the time, though there were some elements that made me uncomfortable, even then.<br />
<br />
<br />
Upon re-reading it, it was... it didn't hold up. (If you're planning on reading this novel for... some reason, spoilers ahoy, I guess.)<br />
<br />
The book is, largely, about Martie and Dusty Rhodes evading and 'beating' Dr. Mark Ahriman, who is a master of the kind of deep hypnotic controls you only hear about in conspiracy theories and cold-war era novels. (Funnily enough, the Manchurian Candidate is a central plot point in this novel.)<br />
<br />
Martie and Dusty Rhodes are some of Koontz's very familiar archetypes. I've read enough to know that he has a few: there is the Nicest Person the Fucking World, there is the Grumpy Jerk (Who is Actually the Nicest Person in the Fucking World), and then there is the Bad Guy (who tends to have an obsession with sweets). There's no real need to expand on these archetypes, to be honest.<br />
<br />
Martie and Dusty both fall under the Nicest People in the Fucking World character-type. Martie had a father who was, if possible, even more inhumanly good and nice, a firefighter who saved countless lives and later died of cancer, constantly referred to (even by Martie) as Smilin' Bob.<br />
<br />
We get no true sense of Martie's father as an actual father figure, only as this distant hero. Not in a way that Martie resents or anything- that would have made it a bit interesting, exploring a heroic father who was so good at his job he destroyed his health and wasn't around to be close to his daughter- but every conversation was about what a hero he was, not about what kind of father he was. <br />
<br />
Martie is also described as a video game designer, but I get the feeling that she's described as such by someone who only has the vaguest ideas of what a video game even is. Like, he understand that video games are a Thing which Exist, and that naturally someone must be involved in the creation thereof, so let's just make Martie one and give vague references to it! Honestly, if he picked her career by spinning a wheel or rolling dice and consulting a chart, I would be the opposite of shocked.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dusty is a house painter, and we know significantly more about that (presumably because Koontz has either known someone who was a house painter or hired a house painter). Dusty's career is treated as something 'real' while Martie ends up leaving her job to become a vet. This is treated as some kind of character development, though I don't know why, exactly. I guess it's because Martie wanted to be a vet when she was younger, but at one point in my youth I wanted to be a vacuum cleaner when I grew up (true story), so...<br />
<br />
Anyway.<br />
<br />
A very, very rough summary of the plot follows:<br />
<br />
Dr. Ahriman is capable of 'programming' people to retreat into a completely docile and obedient state, and he often does so to his own amusement. He is a psychiatrist by trade, and often treats people he's programmed with terrible phobias. Susan Jagger, Martie's best friend, has been programmed to have a crippling fear of open spaces, and has been suffering for quite a period of time when the novel starts. Martie has just started down the road to a crippling fear of herself, again at the behest of Ahriman's programming.<br />
<br />
Ahriman has also been using the programming to rape Susan on a regular basis.<br />
<br />
While we're spared some of the gory details, it's definitely still really gross. Susan is later programmed to kill herself, because she knew <i>something</i> was up (though she had been instructed to believe her estranged husband was responsible) and she wanted hard evidence of it, so she set up a video camera and caught him in action. <br />
<br />
Dusty later figures out something is wrong due to him noticing his missing time, and then later when he begins to tell Martie about reading the novel, he accidentally triggers the beginning state of her programming with one of the names. Strangely, it seems that Ahriman gave Martie the novel, but instructed her to never read it.(Susan's death occurs and then doesn't really impact the plot, sigh.)<br />
<br />
It doesn't take Dusty and Martie very long at all to break their programming, largely due to Ahriman's (it must be said) extreme incompetence, which he claims is in the interest of a fair game. But mostly, every time Ahriman screws up, it's Because the Plot Needs Him To.<br />
<br />
We get a hint of this early on, when Ahriman doesn't realize that Susan has videotaped him until he is long gone, and must return and take care of it. This is largely to A: create a second or two of false tension and B: give Martie and Dusty a reason to believe that Ahriman is responsible for their programming without Ahriman knowing. This is only accomplished due to a wording quirk- Ahriman asks if Susan had spoken to anybody about the contents of the tape. (She hadn't, technically, she'd left a message on their answering machine because Martie was in the middle of a panic attack.) <br />
<br />
Later, Martie and Dusty go to New Mexico (they get some information from Martie's doctor who somehow happens to have also had a run-in with Ahriman and has a handy file on him, that's what leads them to New Mexico). Ahriman doesn't try to call their cell phone and access their programming even when he knows they know something because... um, well, he thinks that they're probably being really careful about calls and so there's no sense in even trying. (Because.)<br />
<br />
There's a subplot about Dusty's younger half-brother Skeet, but I don't care. He's just there to work as a plot point.<br />
<br />
The plot is mostly formulaic and has a happy ending very typical of Koontz books. Oh, related: though threatened at one point, the dog lives. Koontz rarely kills of dogs, the only time I can remember a dog having an 'on screen death' (as it were) the dogs were highly trained, violent and deadly guard dogs. <br />
<br />
In this case the resolution could have posed a tricky problem. Going to the police and claiming your psychiatrist has been programming you in order to rape you and use you to kill other people is just not going to gain you much ground. If Martie or Dusty just march in and shoot him, they'll get arrested and go to jail (or be put in a psychiatric institute when they start talking about the programming). If Skeet does the job, he'll be put in an institute most likely, having recently left a rehab clinic against medical advice.With those pieces in play, the only real way to resolve everything relatively happily is for Our Heroes to kill Ahriman in cold blood. Like, to plan his murder and get away with it. The novel was so close to being super interesting, man.<br />
<br />
Koontz solves that problem by having a character come in at the last minute, introduced in the last 1/3 or so of the book, who shoots Skeet (*rimshot*) and then the doctor because she believes they're machines in the Matrix.<br />
<br />
No, really. Literally. She was seeing Ahriman because she had cultivated an obsession with Keanu Reeves that had turned into a paranoia of him, and during the course of her therapy she began to suspect something was not on the up and up with Ahriman, so she followed him while he was following Skeet and another character and saw him 'kill them' (they were wearing Kevlar, Because) and Ahriman called her and convinced her that the Matrix was real and that The One had special interest in her.<br />
<br />
So, in truth, had Martie and Dusty taken Skeet and just hauled ass for Mexico or Nova Scotia or Iceland, Ahriman would still have been defeated. The whole thing seems kinda pointless, at that point. Like, in most of his novels, at least the protagonists of the story solve their own problems, but in this case not even that much happens. The <i>whole book</i> is like this.<br />
<br />
They wouldn't know Ahriman was responsible for their situation without Susan. They wouldn't have any info on Ahriman without Martie's doctor (who just <i>happened</i> to have a run in with Ahriman before and just <i>happened</i> to have a full file on the doctor). They wouldn't have been freed from their programming if Ahriman hadn't <i>handed them the key</i>. Their 'activating' triggers were all from the same book, the Manchurian candidate. The haiku poems that accessed their subconscious or what-the-fuck-ever, were all drawn from the same collection of 'classic' haiku poems, by the same poet. They take no actions that significantly impact the plot. The events of the plot don't really significantly impact them. (Martie changes careers. Whoop-de-fucking-do.) So, what is the point?<br />
<br />
I think the point was Ahriman. Ahriman could almost have been interesting enough to make the novel work, but Koontz doesn't really work in subtle strokes, and doesn't know how to take something so over the top that it comes around again. (Too much is too much but way too much is just enough, you know?) So Ahriman is neither truly gleeful and evil enough to seem a true obstacle, nor subtle or layered enough to be truly interesting.<br />
<br />
He's suppose to be smart, but he makes some <i>astoundingly foolish</i> decisions during the course of the novel. <br />
<br />
When he is following Skeet around, he has his housekeeper drop off his most subtle car, which is <i>fucking purple</i>. (He actually says it's the least attention-getting of his cars. I don't even. Are the rest <i>neon</i> colored?) He also completely misses being followed by the woman who eventually kills him, even though she's driving an equally noticeable car (a Rolls Royce Silver Cloud- google it real quick). <br />
<br />
He also is a character that the book <i>so badly</i> wants to be on par with Doctor Lecter (at some point Goldberg Variations is supposed to be playing during a scene between Martie and Susan, which I think is a direct reference). He's built up to be this very intelligent and dangerous opponent, who thinks of everything and can adapt to any outcome. He's supposed to be incredibly disarming and has pioneered a secret field of psychologically handling people for a secret organization.<br />
<br />
He's also an <i>atrocious</i> psychiatrist. In practice, he has less charm than smarm, and he's about as subtle and nuanced as a brick to the face. His decisions from beginning to end are often questionable at best. His motivation is, supposedly, a game. Life is a game, and all the men and women in his command are just for his amusement- except it doesn't really feel like that at all. It's just an excuse to have these things happen, I think. The book smacks heavily of Plot Because Plot, without any real reason, and it seems like <i>everyone</i> is just doing what they're doing Because. Nothing happens for any reason other than Because.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Normally Koontz books are fast reads for me. Though they're formulaic, I do enjoy them (really!) but this book was difficult for me to slog through, especially towards the end as more and more of the padding dripped in. I would say that if you enjoy Koontz books (or like fast reading, formulaic books with happy endings where the sweet dog prolly won't die) you still should give this a miss in favor of his other works.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-3441091445887713882013-05-30T22:33:00.002-05:002013-05-30T22:34:37.712-05:00Elementary: Final Thoughts on Season 1First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read my post about the Moore tornado. Please remember that Moore is going to be rebuilding for a long time, and people still need your help. You can make a donation to the <a href="http://www.unitedwayokc.org/" target="_blank">United Way of Central Oklahoma</a> which has a long-term fund for Moore tornado victims. There are more links <a href="http://www.ok.gov/okstrong/How_Can_I_Help/Donation_Opportunites/index.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
I intended to do this last week and have only just gotten around to it: I fucking loved the finale to Elementary. For real. <br />
<br />
Elementary is my favorite adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. End of. It has surpassed <i>every other </i>version in my mind, including the Grenada Holmes (which remains a close second). Yeah. I love it that much. I love it more than Cumbersherlock. I love it more than RDJ and Jude Law Making Sweet, Sweet Love With Their Eyes. It is my absolute favorite. <br />
<br />
<i>Note: I am not saying that any of these are better than any other, I
am just telling you which my favorite is. Do not tell me I am wrong,
because I don't care. But keep in mind, that every adaptation I listed, I absolutely do love, in spite of any flaws it has. There are other adaptations I love that I haven't listed, either, and at least three or four which I haven't tried but fully expect to enjoy. :)</i><br />
<br />
Spoilers below.<br />
<i> </i><br />
You have been warned.<br />
<br />
Let's talk about the episode before the season finale for a second. Lucy Liu is a truly excellent Watson, and Watson's growth as an investigator and as a friend to Sherlock has been wonderful to watch. She really stands her ground when the people around her are trying to do things or get her to do things ~for her own good~ (and that's been true for the whole show, actually). She actually tells Holmes "Look, I have worked on this just as hard as you have, and I deserve answers too," in regards to the Moriarty clue, and also points out that she's a grown-ass woman and can make her own decisions about whether something is too dangerous for her. <br />
<br />
Jonny Lee Miller is also a PHENOMENAL Holmes, and I have to say that his reaction to seeing Irene Adler alive and well was incredibly well done. (Seriously, not everyone can look like they're about to faint, puke, and burst into tears at once on command. He actually turned a little grey, though that may have been a special effect.) We knew Natalie Dormer had been picked for Adler, so we knew she was going to show up, but throwing her at the end of the episode before the finale was pretty cool.<br />
<br />
So, the finale: oh my god. I can't tackle it in order, it's been too long since I've seen it, so I'm just gonna talk about shit as I remember it.<br />
<br />
I spent the WHOLE time (up until the reveal) going "I wonder why they went out of their way to cast Natalie Dormer as an American?"<br />
<br />
Ha ha. Ha. Ha.<br />
<br />
I actually paused when she revealed herself as Moriarty so I could just take a minute to process it. (Also so I could wordlessly point at the screen while looking at Greg like DID YOU JUST SEE THAT? HOLY SHIT! I am sometimes annoying to watch things with.)<br />
<br />
Seriously, before that Holmes had suggested the whole "Adler works for Moriarty!" thing which... had been done, and honestly I don't think it's been done particularly well. So I was like "Eeeehhhhh I dunno," and then the reveal kicked my ass and made me love it.<br />
<br />
I love Irene Adler as Moriarty (or vice versa), and here is why (in no particular order):<br />
<br />
1: I hate the "oh, she <i>works</i> for Moriarty" plot point, but I also don't think it's been done particularly well. Especially in the RDJ/Jude Law movies. <br />
2: Natalie Dormer has got some FANTASTIC villain body language that she put to great use.<br />
3: More powerful, smart women in popular fiction!<br />
4: Natalie Dormer<br />
5: Holmes did not defeat her.<br />
<br />
See, I was seeing this go around a lot on tumblr with "Oh, I didn't like that plot point because Adler actually beat Holmes in cann, she's supposed to win." Which... okay, yes, it appears that Holmes won. In that scene, however, he was the bait, not the trapper.<br />
<br />
Joan laid that trap out, guys. <i>She won.</i><br />
<br />
Joan Watson was amazing. She was fearless in the face of Moriarty ("too angry to be scared") and just as helpful and knowledgeable as Holmes would have been. She ran that investigation without Sherlock's help, figured out Moriarty's blind spot and used it against her. These were all things Sherlock was too emotionally compromised to do himself. (These were all things that Moriarty knew, too, proving she was superior to Holmes in some ways, perhaps ONLY because she could see more clearly than he how emotionally compromised they both were in regards to each other.)<br />
<br />
Also, they TOTALLY HAD ME with the whole "Sherlock ODs and it's ALL MORIARTY'S FAULT" plot, an excellent parallel to the false fall. Not that they're NOT going to fake a death later (though I would love it if they have JOAN fake her death so she can go haring off after an escaped Moriarty, because*) but I also like that the first season wraps up pretty neatly.<br />
<br />
<br />
In the ongoing theme of me interpreting Elementary as a dark AU where Watson was an American and therefore couldn't be in London when Holmes started to need someone like Watson- not so much an interpretation as what is actually going on. Anyway, this totally works out. His first interaction with Adler in canon is that he is after her because of a case, then she bounces to America. In this interpretation, she fakes her death and... bounces to America! Well, eventually. Anyway, it all still fits, is what I'm saying. <br />
<br />
*OMG I just realized how <i>fucking traumatizing</i> this would be for Sherlock. *evil laugh*<br />
<br />
TL; DR I love every tiny bit of this show (except for the Bing product placement, but I'll deal with that if it means I get to continue to have my BroTP), especially Joan Watson, and was left extremely satisfied with the finale.<br />
<br />
What did you think? About the season in general, or the finale? Or anything else. I'm open!Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-29162462963631604592013-05-21T00:06:00.000-05:002013-05-21T00:06:25.802-05:00Moore TornadoesI was planning on posting about the Elementary finale. I still will do that, but it will be a separate blog post.<br />
<br />
This is just my impression of today- what happened to me, what I did, what I have heard. I may have heard facts wrong or misinterpreted things. I was not in the tornado, this is not a survivor's account. <br />
<br />
I live in Norman, which is the town south of where the big tornado hit today. Moore has been struck by several tornadoes in the last 14 years, the last big was on May 3, 1999. This was before I moved back to Oklahoma, but I have always had family here, so I was aware of it. That tornado was hugely devastating to much of the same parts of Moore as the tornado today.<br />
<br />
I was not in danger today. The storms that were tornadic were to the north or the south of me.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, I was in danger, but I took precautions when the activity got close to me. For those who do not know, tornado precautions are: get into the smallest, sturdiest room of your house. If you can, cover yourself with a mattress or something else soft, to keep glass from harming you.<br />
<br />
My safe place is my bedroom closet. I pulled everything out of the floor and gathered all the pets I could grab (two of my cats had a fight and hid in cabinets, but I had to hunker down). I grabbed a blanket. Our closet is full of clothes and I planned on pulling them all down if I heard anything drop on the house. I sat in a closet with the dogs and Bats until the radio told me I was safe. The rotation that threatened me eventually did drop a tornado, but it had moved east of my town by then.<br />
<br />
Today, a tornado absolutely devastated Moore. My father-in-law works in Moore as a postman, and when we texted him after the tornado he texted us back immediately- we knew he was all right as soon as we asked. But when we texted my husband's mother, she informed us that the tornado had hit the post office, and it's very likely that my FIL's car was completely destroyed- another car in that lot was completely gone, and the others were totaled.<br />
<br />
The highway was closed, and we had no idea how we were going to get to him. My MIL was not driving- she was too upset to drive, really. My husband drove her car and she directed us through some of the smaller back roads. We got to almost where my FIL was, but we were on the other side of the highway, in gridlocked traffic. We parked in a parking lot and walked over the bridge.<br />
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We were on 19th street, which is near the big Warren Theater that was hit (but, again, on the other side of I35 from it.) The Warren had been hit, and looked bad. A lot of the cars from the parking lot were tossed into the highway. There was a lot of debris all over everything- little wads of mud covered cars, buildings, the road. Tiny bits of trees, mud, hay, and peoples lives covered everything.<br />
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The power was down, there were officers everywhere directing traffic. We crossed several intersections and ran across the bridge. We were in the middle of a crosswalk when an ambulance came bombing up the exit ramp, and we had to haul ass to dodge them. I could smell smoke from a fire, my MIL saw the plume of smoke.<br />
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My FIL was fine, he was apparently nowhere near the path of the tornado. He hid in a school and then finished delivering his mail before going back to the post office. He couldn't get his vehicle back to the office due to traffic, so he had to park it and walk five blocks. Seeing him was good. We were all relieved, even though we knew he was all right.<br />
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Walking back, I was watching where I stepped carefully. There were baseball cards, some still in sleeves. Someone's collection. A torn corner of a picture (if it had been a whole picture, I would have saved it, but it was just a snatch of one). A muddy child's blanket. A star barrette. More baseball cards.<br />
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Someone got into a shouting match with the police directing traffic. He wanted to go straight, and the officer was insisting he turn. We told him to park his ass and walk. Don't know what he did.<br />
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The sound of sirens was never ending. We must have been passed by dozens of ambulances. We were right by the triage area, so that's to be expected.<br />
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When we got back, the phone and the internet and the tvs were all still down. We went to Walmart to get an antenna, but they didn't have any at all. A guy who was also looking for one said he had been everywhere in Norman, this was his last home. Radio Shack had a sign up, saying that they didn't have any.<br />
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We drove to the Walmart in Purcell, and they did have antennas. There was another couple buying antennas, trying to figure out how many they needed.<br />
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It's hard to watch the news, but it's hard to do anything else.<br />
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Oklahomans will turn out in droves to help. We always do. We're being told, right now, that they don't need anybody. If they did, I would be there, and not at home, watching the news. <br />
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<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/05/tornadoes-in-america-the-oklahoma-disaster-in-context/276063/" target="_blank">Here</a> is an excellent article about the tornado and it's context. It explains about tornadoes, Moore's tornado history, and more technical details about tornadoes and how they're formed.<br />
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<a href="http://kfor.com/2013/05/20/how-to-help-okla-tornado-victims/" target="_blank">Here</a> is a collection of information on how to help the victims of today's and yesterday's tornadoes.<br />
Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-39409422491706678472013-02-20T18:49:00.001-06:002013-02-20T18:49:03.166-06:00My Thoughts On Elementary Season 1 Part 2 (of who knows how many)So I'm caught up until the Valentine's Day episode, and first thing I want to say is: I think we can confirm my theory about this being the dark, alterna verse where Holmes does not meet his Watson until after his canon cases. Lest it need be said: I am really, really enjoying this.<br />
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Part of what this show aims to do is show how much Holmes NEEDS Watson as a steadying influence in his life. Part of that is the evidence from the now- Sherlock flat-out tells her that she makes him a better detective, even though he doesn't know why. But part of that is from how badly things went in London- without her there. It's bit of a meta concept, really, but I do think it's intended. Without Watson, Holmes flounders. It's clear now, and it's clear then.<br />
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I'm also loving the honest-to-god character arc we're seeing with Sherlock. Here's a man who, in the beginning, was confident that he didn't need Joan. He didn't need the help with recovery, and he wasn't going to even try to do drugs again. In more recent episodes, we see Sherlock not only adjust to the knowledge that he needs help with staying sober- that it's a fight every day- but to the fact that he really does need Joan. He needs her companionship, her ability to call him out, and her strength.(Point of order: everybody needs somebody in their life who will call them out on bullshit and lend them a shoulder.)<br />
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At one point early in the series, we see that Holmes hates to be wrong, and hates when there's an outcome he doesn't expect. More than once he tries to tell Watson that he TOTALLY expected that outcome, he TOTALLY coached his kidnapper to text Joan in a way that would show Sherlock was being kidnapped. Joan completely calls him on this. In the Deductionist, he points out that the profiler has this same flaw, and at one point admits that he was wrong about the case.<br />
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I also love what we see happening with Joan: we know she's unhappy being a sober companion. She's doing it as a form of penance, and I believe she's very good at it. It's hard to admit you're miserable doing something you're good at, but I think the only real satisfaction she gets from her work is being proficient at it, and that the work itself gives her no actual joy. Being with Sherlock does- he challenges her in unexpected ways, he brings out the part of her that enjoys solving puzzles (I believe most of us have this in us) and he shows her new ways to look at the world around her. (Also, I love how Joan's Mom breaks this down and tells it to her.)<br />
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These changes in both characters lead up to the Valentine's Day episode "Details", when Sherlock reveals that he knows Joan has been lying about the extension, he knows why, and instead of being mad or regressing he seems to understand. He tells her in hesitating, halting sentences that he'd like for her to stay, he would make it possible for her to stay in whatever way suited her best ("you can stay in the brownstone. Or not."). He was as open as vulnerable as he's been so far- he wasn't sure that his gambit would work. Even though it seemed to be what Joan wanted, and the ideal way to solve both of their problems (she hates her real job and loves what she does with Sherlock, she gives him an edge and support that he doesn't otherwise have), it still may not work, and he put it out there anyway.<br />
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This is not just about her being his apprentice, but about how their relationship is mutually beneficial, and I think that's what moves Joan to accept. <br />
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Her acceptance wasn't assured, and I'm glad she made her own terms (including one where Sherlock continues to attend groups) before she'd accept it wholly. <br />
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Additionally, I'm happy that we were not introduced to Moriarty so early. We know he's going to be a Big Bad, but I'd really prefer if he were a Season 2 big bad, and it seems like things might lean that way. I think Sherlock (the series) blew their wad a little early with Moriarty (though I can see why they would do that), and I was worried Elementary would follow in those footsteps.<br />
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My favorite thing about this series is how emotional Sherlock is, especially compared to other depictions of him. I like that he is moved by the plight of those less fortunate, that he is genuinely distressed for the episode after Joan was endangered by the undercover DEA Agent. When he reveals the illegal immigrant status of an innocent woman, he is fucking haunted by the idea, and openly states it. The puzzle is important to him, and that is clear, but the people are ALSO important to him. <br />
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What I'd like to see: Alfredo! (I think I may be spelling it wrong.) I <b>do</b> believe we will see him again (after all, there's been no sign of Moriarty since the episode he was mentioned, and we know that's not the end of that) but because he's intended to take Joan's place after she's no longer Sherlock's sober companion, he hasn't been involved yet. I do want to see him get involved, now- Sherlock does need someone like him, and Alfredo is objectively awesome.<br />
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Joan going back into medicine- whether or not she becomes a surgeon again, I think that medicine is clearly a part of who she is and how she relates to the world. I don't think this will happen this season, but some tentative steps in the right direction would be wonderful. (Maybe she could consult! That would be thematically appropriate.)<br />
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More of Joan's family would also be nice. <br />
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What I don't want to see: I like Sherlock and Joan as friends, and I still DON'T want any 'will they/won't they' regarding a romantic relationship between them. I think a solid, platonic friendship between a man and a woman is refreshing and fun and I really enjoy their growing friendship.<br />
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I also don't want to see Moriarty for real this season, unless it's a teaser in the very last episode. (Like, his face is revealed then CUT TO BLACK would be acceptable to me.) <br />
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On a slightly silly note: Possibly my favorite thing on the show STILL is Joan's face when Sherlock says something phenomenally aggravating and/or frustrating. Lucy Liu is a woman of a thousand irritated eye rolls and I love her for it.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-25966119651256246532012-11-22T02:08:00.001-06:002012-11-22T02:08:51.388-06:00Thanksgiving 2012I'm gonna get mushy on you guys for a minute, I hope that's okay.<br />
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I love you all, everyone who comes and reads this website (even- no, <i>especially-</i> if you just came here looking for shirtless pictures of Ian Somerhalder, because I feel ya). Those of you I know on Twitter and Tumblr have been awesome- I think every single one of you has held my hand in the metaphorical, digital sense over the last few months.<br />
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It's been a harrowing year for me. I was in a pretty bad downward spiral of depression sometime early this year, and I can honestly say the worst week of my life happened this year. If I had any power over the Way of Things I would use it to ensure nobody ever had to go through that amount of physical pain or be so helpless with food ever again. But it's gotten easier, and I'm to the point where I've felt better than I have since I moved to Oklahoma, and that move occurred in 2000 when I was 16. (I got pleurisy my junior year, for fuck's sake.)<br />
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I am so grateful that my in-laws loaned us the cash we needed to get this done. I am so grateful that my father signed up for a loan in his name, to get this done. I am so grateful to the dentist and his staff who were both incredibly professional and incredibly compassionate. I am grateful to my husband, who worked hard to make sure I had everything I needed those first weeks, when I was so helpless (either from pain or drugs). I really do think that dentures have saved my life, in more than one sense, and I'm so glad I was able to get them with the help of my family.<br />
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I'm also grateful to every single one of you who told me it was going to be okay, who made morbid jokes with me, who checked in on me, who tried to cheer me up (whether it was with pictures of hot guys, adorable kittens, or both), who celebrated with me when I reached a milestone in food, who didn't tell me to shut the fuck up every time I started yammering on how awesome chewing is (oh god it's so awesome), and who told me I looked good with my new teeth. It's been a bit of an adjustment, and it would have been so much harder without your support.<br />
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I'll be gone most of today, off the grid, and while I whinge about how full my day gets, I really am lucky to have so many people who want to see me on Thanksgiving.<br />
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Wherever you are and whatever you're doing today, I just want you to know that if you're reading this, you have made my life better, and I love you forever for that. <br />
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From the bottom of my heart, I truly wish you a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-67030152960904484652012-11-12T18:13:00.000-06:002012-11-12T18:17:50.258-06:00My Thoughts on Elementary So FarI have watched the first six episodes and I'm really enjoying it, so far. I'm not going to do any kind of in depth reviewing because I just don't have the energy for it right now, but when the season's over I may do a kind of retrospective so I can pick out favorite moments/episodes and talk about the season's arc. (Votes yay/nay?)<br />
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Edit: I do speculate as to what they're doing with the season, it might be considered mildly spoilery by some so if that bothers you: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH2-TGUlwu4" target="_blank">FLEE! </a><br />
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I like what they're doing with Sherlock and Joan as characters, especially with how they interact. The character bits are all wrapped around a fairly middle-of-the-road procedural, which is fine by me as I like procedurals in general- and the cases have gotten better, more interesting and more complex as the season goes on. I think they were easing into it.<br />
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I like this take on Holmes. He's approachable, he's capable of warmth and humanity and even (bad) practical jokes. To make the natural comparison: I can't see Cumberbatch's Holmes hiring someone to trick Watson for lolz. The Holmes from BBC's Sherlock is accused of being a machine, you could never make the same accusation for Elementary's Holmes. <br />
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I love Joan Watson. I like how she's so willing to work with him when he needs it, and how unflappable she can be when she's sorting through methods of working with him. She will also totally call him out for bullshit- she is being paid not to put up with certain things, so that makes a lot of sense. She's incredibly competent and it's clear that she's very smart and is already picking up on his deductive tendencies. I love how they interact, I love that there is something of a patient/doctor relationship right now, and I love Lucy Liu in this role. (I love Joan Watson and want to marry her.)<br />
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I also have what one might describe as a 'headcanon' for this particular take on Sherlock Holmes (although really it's more of an educated guess). We see, in the first episode, that Sherlock keeps bees. He's working on writing a book about bees. We know that, according to the canon, Holmes retires to the country with Watson and raises bees, and he writes the book that Elementary!Holmes cites as working on in the pilot episode. Episode six ended with Joan asking Sherlock about Irene, so we know that Holmes has already met Irene Adler.<br />
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What am I getting at? I believe that this series is taking place AFTER canon, essentially. Because Elementary!Holmes did not have a Watson in London, he was muddling along on his own, and things clearly Did Not Go Well as a result. What happened is going to be revealed (and is liable to be a good chunk of the story arc for the season) but I suspect that, without the companionship that Watson provides, when things started going bad for Holmes they went REALLY badly because he had nobody to steady him. I believe it to be possible that he's had a run-in with Moriarty as well, though I doubt Moriarty is dead as yet (and it's possible that Sherlock's wicked drug bender got him out of London before he could start really pursuing Moriarty).<br />
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I think it's a really interesting choice that could yield some great fodder for character development while still staying away from Sherlock territory. This show HAS to stay away from Sherlock territory, since they failed at getting the rights to adapt Sherlock the BBC are keeping a close eye on the show to make sure it isn't swiping. I feel like Elementary has put enough of their own stamp on these characters that it's clear that they aren't swiping.<br />
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I could be wrong about my interpretation of what is going on, we're only six episodes in and that's just not a lot to go on, but I'm really enjoying it either way. Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-59773857500046406472012-10-18T11:30:00.000-05:002012-10-18T11:50:08.043-05:00Coulson Lives - My ThoughtsSo, I am aware that (by this point) this is actually old news. It broke on twitter a few days ago, so everybody knows by now that Agent Coulson, played by Clark Gregg, is going to reprise his role on the SHIELD tv show that is going to be helmed by Joss Whedon.<br />
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While most of the fan reaction has been positive, I have seen a few people who were upset about it. Not because they had anything against Clark Gregg or the character of Agent Coulson, but because (they argue) this really destroys that moment in the Avengers where they all rally up and it's because of Coulson's death. Another person on twitter (I'm so sorry, I don't remember who) made the point that this is something that's wrong with comics all the time, people who die significant deaths don't stay dead. That this sort of thing 'cheats' his death of the dignity it had, and his badassery in his final moments. These are actually valid points, and should be given some consideration. <br />
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I... maybe I'm biased because I love the character so much (and the more I follow Clark Gregg the more I love him, too) but I don't think it's quite at 'cheating' levels. The medics move in and Fury tells the team he's gone, but Fury is the kind of bastard who would lie about this sort of thing. I think that is, largely, what spurred such a large segment of the fandom to declare that Coulson was, in fact, alive. (Even the Marvel Short that came with the Avengers DVD mentions him, and says something like "We all miss him," but he could still potentially be in recovery and not dead. An evil icepick to the heart is nothing to trifle with. Basically, we're dealing with a situation where a bunch of denial is entirely plausible.)<br />
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Really I think the judgement should be reserved until we know how Coulson is 'brought back', as it were. I personally think it will be fine- Whedon is nothing if not experienced with this. Not just bringing back beloved characters from the dead, but dealing with the repercussions of such a thing. Can SHIELD, as an organization, survive such a horrible lie? Or such a foundation-shaking resurrection?<br />
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There is also the somewhat disappointing but utterly realistic idea that the show will start at some point in the timeline before Coulson dies (or "dies"). I see this as entirely possible for more than one reason- they may want to save the real Coulson Lives moment for one of the movies. They may want to maintain that suspense a little while longer. They may want the character to actually die. We won't know until the date draws nearer how they're going to handle this.<br />
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It's easy to see this sort of thing as a victory or a loss for the continued Marvel film (and now TV) franchise, but Coulson so quickly became the heart of what brought the Marvel movies together that it would be a shame to permanently lose him as a character. Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-15584223383821282112012-08-17T07:52:00.001-05:002012-08-17T07:52:41.301-05:00Denture Adventure I meant to update the other post more often, but I got distracted by nerves and twitter. Mostly nerves, I was shaking so hard when I went into the dentist they wrapped me in a blanket.<br />
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All my teeth were pulled about three weeks ago. It happened in two stages, because the dentist had trouble finding the right nerves in the lower half of my jaw so he could numb them. Apparently mine were hiding, or perhaps they moved at some point out of protest. In between the stages of removal, I was very sick for about a day. <br />
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The first two weeks were really quite miserable, which I'm sure you know because most of you follow me on twitter. <br />
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I've finally hit the point where everything seems to be okay. A little over a week ago was when I started finally feeling like a human being again (as opposed to a lump of painy flesh). The general illness-blarg-crap that I've had off and on since a few years ago cleared up permanently, and the dizzy spells that were getting worryingly common have completely vanished, as have my near-constant headaches. I also can generally breathe through my nose, now, and that all sorted itself out more or less immediately, though honestly I was too stoned on painkillers or in too much pain to really notice for a few weeks.<br />
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I can pretty much eat everything I could before, provided I cut or tear it up (I can't tell you how weird it feels to cut up chicken nuggets or pizza) and as soon as my jaw heals I'll be able to take on harder things. In theory at some point I'll also be able to bite into things instead of cutting them up, but that may not work until I get my permanent dentures. <br />
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I'm able to talk mostly fine now, sometimes I don't sound quite right and sometimes my esses get away from me, or hit the wrong part of my palate, or something. But I've got it in general and I think in a few more weeks nobody will be the wiser.<br />
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I'd like to go back to work soon but the place I will be working is currently full (they'll need people soon-ish, but not as soon as I'd hoped) so I'm kinda stuck right now. I'm slowly working on editing the last podcast that Angie and I recorded (I've developed a damned inconvenient ringing in one of my ears which is hampering things, but I hope to be finished by Monday anyway) and my sleep schedule is fucked all to hell, but that's pretty normal for me when I'm not employed (or working from home).<br />
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I do actually have some things planned, and as soon as I can find a gorram camera cord (I'm convinced my husband ate it, I've looked everywhere else) you'll have a picture of me with my new teeth, which look quite nice in my opinion.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-92077114607899327232012-06-27T04:06:00.001-05:002018-07-04T14:09:32.188-05:00Teeth and Dentures: Update 1So I have explained a little about my teeth, but mostly it was in the context of how it was affecting my blog. I forgot that I haven't really made it clear what's going on with my teeth. I'm going to be pretty detailed (no pictures though) so if teeth and mouth stuff freaks you out, uh, flee?<br />
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They're falling apart. I mean that quite literally, they're incredibly soft and chip apart pretty much every time I chew. I can bite into most things reasonably well (except hard fruit and veg like apples and carrots, or really chewy-hard things like bagels and whatnot) , but I can't really chew much of anything. While my front teeth are largely broken or missing, they are still functional. Most of my chewing teeth are broken and chewing just about anything <i>hurts</i>.<br />
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I try to stick to things that are easier to chew, some of which is surprising (I can eat normal potato chips, but not ruffled ones, because I can break the normal thin ones up with my tongue) and none of which is particularly healthy. I could probably drink Ensure or something constantly but that is both very expensive and, quite frankly, not something I find incredibly palatable as a long-term solution. Mostly I eat stuff that's relatively soft, and whatever I can't chew or get tired of trying to chew, I swallow. (It also takes me forever to eat, and then I have to clean my mouth because there are lots of pockets where stuff likes to collect).<br />
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I've always had dental problems, I had my two root canals when I was 6. I had a bunch of fillings to absolutely no effect between the ages of 16-19 (some of which should have been root canals) and no dental care in between. My teeth have been sensitive for a long time, and when I turned 18 I started on the birth control shot and was on it for a few years. I found out later that it makes you leech calcium, and while I cannot be sure, it's likely partially to do with how quickly my teeth have fallen apart. I currently have maybe 4 or 5 teeth that aren't cracked or broken somehow, and that can change at any point due to how soft my teeth are.<br />
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I don't have a lot of energy. Partially because I can't eat very well and partially because I get sick a lot. Not very sick, but I tend to have some kind of low grade cold or cough or something more or less constantly. I assume it has to do with the constant threat of infection in my mouth- my body's resources are all spread really thin. I can only assume this, I may be constantly sick due to my diet, or some unrelated cause, but I was generally pretty hardy up until the damage to my teeth started being more than merely cosmetic.<br />
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Most of my teeth are still 'alive' when we're talking about the nerves, and that means that my back molars which are cracked and exposed are basically big nerves that anything in my mouth can poke at any time. (I start thanking the Elder Gods when one of the nerves finally dies a death, because that means blessed relief.) Holding my mouth wrong can create enough pressure to cause pain, and so I'm pretty much constantly in mouth pain if I'm not medicated. (I'm not often medicated.)<br />
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It's been getting worse over time, and I'm reaching the point where I'm not actually capable of doing any physical work due to my health. (Also, pretty much nobody would hire me anyway because nobody sees anything but my teeth when they look at me.) I'm also reaching the point where I simply can no longer deal with it. <br />
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Through a lot of work, no few tears, and the incredible generosity of my father it's looking very much like I'll be able to fix this soon. "Fixing this" means that I will have all my teeth removed, and go to using dentures. While this is not exactly the ideal fix, it is certainly the most affordable, and quite frankly it's the only one I can actually stomach. Patching up my teeth isn't going to solve the basic problem, anyway, because my teeth are still inherently flawed and weak. And, honest to god, if I thought sitting down with a pair of pliers and yanking them out would actually work I'd have attempted that at this point. <br />
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So, dentures. In another week and a half (approximately) I'll be going in to have an impression of my mouth done, and that will be sent off to the lab so they can whip up a set of dentures for me. Two weeks after that, when the dentures are done, they'll yank whatever is still in my mouth at the time. Hopefully without incident, but I know for a fact some of my teeth are going to have to be cut out because they are broken down the gum. Of all the dental procedures I've had done, having teeth pulled is certainly the freakiest for me, so I'm a little freaked out all while looking forward to it (because after I heal I will be in NO PAIN y'all).<br />
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I don't know how long I'm going to be down and out after I have my teeth pulled. I'd like to go back to delivering pizza as soon as possible, transitioning away from the online work (with tips, I make more as a driver), but I don't know how fast that will be. It took me a couple of days to get my bearings after I had the last one pulled, possibly because that one was an abscess and my body was sorting out the infection part of that while I sat on the couch stoned on pain pills. Could be a couple of days, could be a couple of weeks. I can almost guarantee stoned tweeting so expect that.<br />
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I have several blog articles in the works but I think I'm just going to consider myself on hiatus until I get my teeth sorted. I just can't seem to get them written. There <b>will</b> be a Strangers from the Internet still, so expect that.<br />
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I've debated about this, but I am going to put up a PayPal donate button. Dad is paying for the thing but I'm going to be losing time during which I can work and, due to my nephew's birth, was not able to get as many hours in on the online job as I wanted to. It's not the end of the world, but if you have a little extra and would like to send it our way, it'd be much appreciated.<br />
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(edited to remove defunct pay pal link: 7-4-2018)<br />
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I will continue to update this article as I know more, like exact dates and such. If you came here from tumblr and don't follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/MartianBethany" target="_blank">twitter</a>, that's generally where I hang out and it's the best way to contact me, in all honesty. Asks sent via <a href="http://bethanythemartian.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">tumblr</a> and any comments made here go directly to my primary email, so I'll get them for sure, it just won't be quite as fast because I generally only check my email once or twice a day.<br />
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TL;DR version: Gonna have all my teeth pulled in about a month. It
will, on the whole, be better for me than my current health situation. Check this space for more updates.<br />
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Update 07/06- I had my impressions done today (well, technically, yesterday, Thursday the fifth). It was weird feeling but not too painful, overall. I was worried one of my teeth would break or something, since they're so fragile, but everything came out fine. My appointment to have my teeth pulled is scheduled for the 19th, so barring any complications, that's when things will go down.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-80977841226933513872012-05-28T12:38:00.000-05:002012-05-28T12:38:18.354-05:00Blade and Nostalgia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just as a note: While Blade is somewhat based on a comic book character, from what I understand the Blade from the comic is very different from the Blade in the movie (I have read a grand total of one Blade comic, I have no clue what year it's from) and so I am treating them as largely different continuities. If there's any similarities you'd like to point out, let me know in the comments! I'm always interested to hear this kind of stuff. <br />
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Let's be clear: I love Blade. I mean, I fuckin' loved that movie from the blood rave scene at the beginning.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP3ZVn-qAv08Q8iI_J_bMewmneXpIyPgFeop3v2UDZfjFvIem0_aWB7GC0itCRGFANvfrqW9q8HqvKH4ou-gUYiJqaEX4N2ioHugf1Jy-uumURi4XzAXfs8NaE5U89_dgKxLhs3vFFH0Ye/s1600/bloodrave.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP3ZVn-qAv08Q8iI_J_bMewmneXpIyPgFeop3v2UDZfjFvIem0_aWB7GC0itCRGFANvfrqW9q8HqvKH4ou-gUYiJqaEX4N2ioHugf1Jy-uumURi4XzAXfs8NaE5U89_dgKxLhs3vFFH0Ye/s400/bloodrave.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I also love the music in this scene.</td></tr>
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I first saw it when it hit VHS/DVD back when movies still came out on both regularly, although I don't recall which we used at the time, probably VHS. We rented it around the time we moved to Norman during a particularly rough time in my life, and it was one of the few things my brother and I agreed about at the time. We both loved the movie, and I can't recall how many times we watched it when we first rented it.<br />
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One of my favorite things about it is that the movie explores vampire culture. It was the first time I had ever seen anything like it, although I'm sure it's probably been addressed in other media before Blade. When <b>I</b> had seen vampires in movies before Blade (and after, often) they were generally depicted as alone, or parts of small groups. There's no real sense of a vampire society in most vampire films- they live on the edges of human society, apart but leeching from.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiETYB2FxsPQUlwjXr5AJRaBCLcaHW7ekrSovI5lubbUZPR2o6VwnJ1phxKPNNAz3-HVJAXtBbDhA_jOnk9GV2NjwWN2NoHrpilCWxlWck0LEu2sAMmQYeZ0MLGpmKn3aiVrNot0EtJorYr/s1600/tomcruiseinterviewwiththevampire.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiETYB2FxsPQUlwjXr5AJRaBCLcaHW7ekrSovI5lubbUZPR2o6VwnJ1phxKPNNAz3-HVJAXtBbDhA_jOnk9GV2NjwWN2NoHrpilCWxlWck0LEu2sAMmQYeZ0MLGpmKn3aiVrNot0EtJorYr/s320/tomcruiseinterviewwiththevampire.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of them were also a bit foppish.</td></tr>
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This movie reveals hints of the culture behind a race of beings who live for centuries. We see their body of government (at least for this region of vampires) and we see that they have advanced technology. We see that they are part of the system, above and beyond it, and they exist among us while having their own distinct segment of society. Udo Kier is, apparently, in charge.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiumcJHFp3YRA8_TlMvoE2sNZCGB5C0xh1gRw8gRXc-Ev_6trpKamOVBCtGRNYO8B5tqYKAjK4PB4ocMNBBrwP3Yzvn_rmmtb48D5o2RQRLHUzsYLkJS6AiqxdOhW5qidv7JTiRQg6AuASD/s1600/udokier.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiumcJHFp3YRA8_TlMvoE2sNZCGB5C0xh1gRw8gRXc-Ev_6trpKamOVBCtGRNYO8B5tqYKAjK4PB4ocMNBBrwP3Yzvn_rmmtb48D5o2RQRLHUzsYLkJS6AiqxdOhW5qidv7JTiRQg6AuASD/s320/udokier.JPG" width="304" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gotta admire this guy's dedication to being a vampire as often as humanly possible.</td></tr>
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The world creates a universe where someone like Blade makes sense and, furthermore, seems necessary. Blade has a lot of atmosphere. It <i>feels</i> right, which is a claim the sequels can't make.<br />
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Blade's part of the world is dirty, industrial, low-rent. His lifestyle is nomadic and his digs are slapped together. The vampires have large and well-appointed rooms. Expensive suits and advanced technology. Pure bloods talking about offshore accounts. When Whistler is explaining things to Karen, you can see how grim their world is. The vampires own the police. The human politicians are in league with the vampires. There's no higher recourse.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfxmwKMxQXZ2CDl3xdMB0UNlm1O1ypakcscCncDo_isTfFd-rgLlT1zf8n5Kll5U45ale_soCjdcON2-dRJKAofTF3IQ0mgzEEVyc2AgLJszXniILegSw09f-OboCAII5hQS6SoRRy0YSG/s1600/corruptcops.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfxmwKMxQXZ2CDl3xdMB0UNlm1O1ypakcscCncDo_isTfFd-rgLlT1zf8n5Kll5U45ale_soCjdcON2-dRJKAofTF3IQ0mgzEEVyc2AgLJszXniILegSw09f-OboCAII5hQS6SoRRy0YSG/s320/corruptcops.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Occasionally cops barge into your house and try to shoot you. Even more occasionally, Blade stops it.</td></tr>
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It's my favorite Wesley Snipes movie (with Demolition Man running a close second). I like watching him kick people and I love him as Blade. He has great chemistry with Kris Kristofferson, who plays Blade's friend Whistler. Whistler is a bad ass, he knows how to make an entrance and is pretty spry for an old fella. Whistler has one of the best lines in the movie, btw.
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTL7-h3AMw7Yf5ZWfpujsauGU8H4ER5e6QjW8pg8uzWUvM4LpKNQ_2Wq-KYmPa0VrxVf9rDCaXw2w1qflSOqZpHjCkectr3dURrVP3_NLdaK7lMu-U3T2Wk-aIcGOXJLWczOL7j0eXSzla/s1600/whistlerisabamf.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTL7-h3AMw7Yf5ZWfpujsauGU8H4ER5e6QjW8pg8uzWUvM4LpKNQ_2Wq-KYmPa0VrxVf9rDCaXw2w1qflSOqZpHjCkectr3dURrVP3_NLdaK7lMu-U3T2Wk-aIcGOXJLWczOL7j0eXSzla/s320/whistlerisabamf.JPG" width="310" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Catch you fuckers at a bad time?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think part of it is that Wesley Snipes does a lot of his own fighting (he also did some of the fighting choreography, mostly Blade's). Wesley is very aware of how he looks when he's moving/fighting, and that shows.<br />
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Steven Dorff plays one of my favorite Big Bads. His motives are clear and understandable. Deacon Frost resents the vampiric 'old guard', the pure blood vampires who were born that way (Lady Gaga reference in a Blade post, I get points) and who run things. Frost thinks that vampires should just be able to eat when they want, where they want, and not worry about secrecy or any of that. His motivations aren't necessarily complicated, but they are more than just I'M EEEVIL and Deacon Frost was possibly the first bad guy character I saw who I could say that about.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSdN0mavXOzJcuQpRvfqFw8GoLlJb9Vy4dVO3ckBgP-Jt4h5_5UVs3tW6uM-dZ5EKHZyoO8vHjPu7W1CKM1TwCkZJTTiiebISq-VbFgeDofxH3WxZTrxg3HL0if_9eET0CwbY4jUH4DG0c/s1600/stephendorffdeaconfrost.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSdN0mavXOzJcuQpRvfqFw8GoLlJb9Vy4dVO3ckBgP-Jt4h5_5UVs3tW6uM-dZ5EKHZyoO8vHjPu7W1CKM1TwCkZJTTiiebISq-VbFgeDofxH3WxZTrxg3HL0if_9eET0CwbY4jUH4DG0c/s320/stephendorffdeaconfrost.JPG" width="283" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, he's kinda hot.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
While Blade is out for revenge, the fight with the big bad is about more than just that. The stakes are high, and the boss fight is a difficult one. Which is good, because I get the feeling that the only reason Deacon Frost hadn't been killed already was that he was really good at getting out of Blade's way and had been educated in the Proper Use of Minions (and hostages). Without Deacon turning into the Blood God, Blade would probably have wiped the floor with him.<br />
I also love this movie for Karen. Karen is practical and smart. She's a scientist, she's tough, and she's willing to do what needs done even if that's scary, gross, or life-threatening.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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She volunteers to give Blade her blood even though she's scared and knows it could end badly. (The actress, N'Bushe Wright, does a fantastic job with that scene, by the way.) Then, woozy from missing quite a bit of blood, she racks up a couple of vampire kills while Blade is busy fighting a Blood God. She finds a cure for one type of vampirism and saves herself from turning into one with Science. If it hadn't been for her work with Blade and Whistler, Blade would not have defeated the Blood God.<br />
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There are places where the movie feels a bit too cinematic- where someone says something and it's clear that they're saying it just to be a bad ass or for the movie audience, as opposed to the people in the film. There are rough spots. But I still love this movie.<br />
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Next, I'm going to take on Blade 2. It only goes downhill from here, folks. <br />
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</center>Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-29251929377177671642012-04-23T16:00:00.000-05:002012-04-23T17:38:56.242-05:00Movie Review: Grave EncountersThis review has taken me most of a week to put together because I have <b>many feels</b> about the subject. This one's a bit of long one, so bear with me.<br />
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I always kind of hope that I'll be watching one of those ghost hunting shows (Ghost Adventures would be the best) and crazy shit would start happening. Like, dark figures climbing out of the wall, whatever. Because that would be awesomely creepy as fuck. It would probably send me climbing a wall if it ever happened, but I would also be screaming BEST SHOW EVER whilst clinging to the ceiling like a cartoon cat. Grave Encounters is, basically, that episode.<br />
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This film actually had me incredibly spooked when I finished it, and I
was jumpy enough that I had to watch something inane and silly to clear
my mind so I could sleep. However, I find ghost hunting shows to be
naturally creepy. I get creeped out watching Ghost Adventures, and
that's with all the "Bro! Dude! Bro!" going on in that show. I find the
<i>genre</i> creepy, it's part of why I love it so much. So if you don't find
this genre creepy, I don't know how creepy the movie will be for you.
Probably not very.<br />
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Grave Encounters is a found footage film, so there's some shaky cam and running with cameras and whatnot. I think it justifies the found footage concept a lot better than most found footage films, but that's my personal opinion. If it sounds like your cup of tea and you want to watch the movie, go away and watch it. It's on Netflix and I think you can get it through iTunes and whatnot. Then come back and we'll dish in the comments.<br />
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As an aside: seriously, how has no ghost tv show ever used the name Grave Encounters? Because it is kind of <i>perfect</i>. Maybe my love of pun is interfering, but seriously. Grave Awakenings? Gravely Searching? Someone can do something with this, come on!<br />
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This film is set in an abandoned asylum called Collingwood Psychiatric Hospital (I forgot the name almost immediately), which is kind of awesome, because they're creepy without any help. They almost all have a bad history, mental asylums were awful and didn't really treat patients so much as kept them out of the way. (<a href="http://www.graveencountersthriller.com/collingwood.html" target="_blank">Here</a> is the story from the official website for the movie.) Notably, this asylum was also known for some of the inmates breaking out and killing the doctor who was overly fond of lobotomies.<br />
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It's a brialliantly simple setup. Five people are staying overnight in Collingwood in order to see if anything ghostly happens in it.<br />
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We have Lance Preston, who is the host of the ghost hunting show, and looks kind of douchey. He's also incredibly cynical about what he's doing, and is just out to make the show and have some good scares, without really caring about whether there's an authentic ghost or not.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkyl73DYAk-T8HpxNGXwdyNdcsh2iOfJZp8o6cEnO4vKWPOFyKdpNlDlfbQ8-VnXQtWRSHsNdh9M_VhJb8X5xnruLnuD9_FeDmLdYQX2VqlWiKJgPuPjOBkugc45F7no4Wfs_VNfUgaSo/s1600/LancePrestonandhisHair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="371" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkyl73DYAk-T8HpxNGXwdyNdcsh2iOfJZp8o6cEnO4vKWPOFyKdpNlDlfbQ8-VnXQtWRSHsNdh9M_VhJb8X5xnruLnuD9_FeDmLdYQX2VqlWiKJgPuPjOBkugc45F7no4Wfs_VNfUgaSo/s400/LancePrestonandhisHair.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lance and his faux-hawk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There's a young woman who is behind the camera a lot, her name is Sasha. She is the show's "occult expert", and she wears a black rosary, although I think that's partially for show. She is the target of some nasty stuff as paranormal shit heats up, and she's probably the only true believer in ghosts at the start of the film.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzlR4RBRjhi561JeUqF-QGiZ_aLlSJ2ptI04hoFMqDqRS2QqHIcdABYyHK9dwjSa4TWt1laePUOHkN8yCaW_x2qQYF8jpiW6AyLk_VQ_4TqgHUnk5GlrVrM310eMRsG3z2BVE3WO_Q6_D/s1600/Sasha.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="372" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzlR4RBRjhi561JeUqF-QGiZ_aLlSJ2ptI04hoFMqDqRS2QqHIcdABYyHK9dwjSa4TWt1laePUOHkN8yCaW_x2qQYF8jpiW6AyLk_VQ_4TqgHUnk5GlrVrM310eMRsG3z2BVE3WO_Q6_D/s400/Sasha.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, she's kind of... goth light?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We have the tech dude who sets all the cameras up, that'd be Matt. He seems neat but his characterization was, uh, thin. He's a smoker? That's about it, a techie smoker. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuMEA74A41rBr64L0aRNNpdGrcp5kh6mWOSOu7RkOXBN9CrsIwGKnGjUoNjNSKdsbZZjzCTWb9CfnCVeyhdAirz7CPuhT1qfRGQXITvPWj4RQMteiKKOH6yJoRqeG0DWm_Qh5rGdR0K38d/s1600/Mattexplainingemf.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuMEA74A41rBr64L0aRNNpdGrcp5kh6mWOSOu7RkOXBN9CrsIwGKnGjUoNjNSKdsbZZjzCTWb9CfnCVeyhdAirz7CPuhT1qfRGQXITvPWj4RQMteiKKOH6yJoRqeG0DWm_Qh5rGdR0K38d/s400/Mattexplainingemf.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He explains the equipment and then disappears, just about.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We have Houston, the "medium" who looks like some unholy mix of Steve Tyler and Mick Jagger. I assume he's an actor, he doesn't seem to be very much part of the group, and he gets told to shut up half the time, even when he's trying to do his faux-medium job.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV2tZZrZlLCrLq9mjpiF3cmiU7QvBclCt3gXrv9MjmUBsvhv_Lbg4QKe66eoNDPUydV-J7Z6-mpSzWA_eR-zYi1xPFwS6QYOSJeCh_YyVspej5rZ5fRbWwqT8xOYZfXM-T4NxzooruSAO/s1600/stevenjaggermicktyler.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUV2tZZrZlLCrLq9mjpiF3cmiU7QvBclCt3gXrv9MjmUBsvhv_Lbg4QKe66eoNDPUydV-J7Z6-mpSzWA_eR-zYi1xPFwS6QYOSJeCh_YyVspej5rZ5fRbWwqT8xOYZfXM-T4NxzooruSAO/s400/stevenjaggermicktyler.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have nothing worthwhile to add.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Last but certainly not least, we have TC. He is the show's assigned cameraman, and while he does appear on camera several times, it's not as much as I would have liked. He is the only one we have family on or anything- he gets a call from his wife and talks to his little girl at one point. This is just a job for him, and he has a pretty good sense of humor until things go to shit, and then his ability to handle this bullshit gets maxed out quickly. I don't blame him, I can guarantee he wasn't making enough money to make that job worth it.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi04km5Dczh3v_tyLYHF18Tw4AMoUSAxl3jD1qQe_u54nyY_8Uk5NlZTtE-kYbQlJCJV1FyS1i6n4xMAhhRkJBchabmYLqOC1eOOGBDBza3pl2KKIRz0Yz0Fe9QVsnHpqJiuXhTopsG3AoN/s1600/TC.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi04km5Dczh3v_tyLYHF18Tw4AMoUSAxl3jD1qQe_u54nyY_8Uk5NlZTtE-kYbQlJCJV1FyS1i6n4xMAhhRkJBchabmYLqOC1eOOGBDBza3pl2KKIRz0Yz0Fe9QVsnHpqJiuXhTopsG3AoN/s400/TC.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sadly, getting even a half-way decent picture of him was really hard. It makes me sad, he was my favorite.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
When they showed the introduction for the show Grave Encounters, I couldn't help laughing. The people who made this movie (it was directed by The Vicious Brothers, about whom I know little and my google-fu turned up no more) have clearly watched a lot of ghost hunting shows, they nailed the tone of those shows perfectly. People who are taking themselves way too seriously, <i>know</i> that they are taking themselves way too seriously, and are absurdly proud of it. All in a graveyard. There's also this amusing undertone of entirely fake "we know it's dangerous and we're doing it anyway". The job is scary, but not particularly dangerous, and they know it, so the attitude is a kind of falsified bravado. (Okay, it's dangerous THIS time, and I suppose occasionally there's the danger of a house collapsing on them and stuff like that, but other than that.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Nt5zOXw9CH4PAtRhNWwgVV2c7RjGULU3vFatI3FUJleXk-ot5KUFW9B0zSJJVHy1taV7-Wea6qNnlBaHbaZUv3kSOuyn2uiMnStTwJK4w8KkUSCeYJGQX59nn2d2m1kotWzk_pP596z8/s1600/groupshotsortof.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Nt5zOXw9CH4PAtRhNWwgVV2c7RjGULU3vFatI3FUJleXk-ot5KUFW9B0zSJJVHy1taV7-Wea6qNnlBaHbaZUv3kSOuyn2uiMnStTwJK4w8KkUSCeYJGQX59nn2d2m1kotWzk_pP596z8/s400/groupshotsortof.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cemetery shot!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The movie takes on a standard ghost hunting TV reality show beginning. They get to the location, they intro the location, they talk to several people about the location and any ghost stories the available locals are willing to share (or can be bribed into giving). They then tour the location, and when evening falls (accompanied by a time lapse shot of the location as night falls) they set up cameras and get after it. In this case, they decided to be locked into the location, so they wouldn't be able to leave without breaking out of the hospital.<br />
<br />
Matt gives a speech about ghost hunting equipment which I tuned out. This speech occurs in every episode of every ghost hunting show fucking ever, and it goes something like this: "Here's a EMF detector, it detects electromagnetic fields and we think ghosts use those fields to make their presence known, so a spike indicates their presence. Here's an audio recorder, we use these to record EVPs, which are Electronic Voice Phenomenon and it occurs when ghosts are trying to communicate with us. Here is some device that reads the ambient temperature of the room (sometimes this is a thermal camera, sometimes this is an infrared thermometer, sometimes it's both). When we see cold spots, that's when a ghost would be present. We take still photos to reveal mist shapes or orbs that might be the manifesting of ghosts." <br />
<br />
The crew gets down to it and, for the first portion of their stay in the asylum, not a damn thing happens. They get bored, and wind up in a bathroom using a uv light on the wall, claiming that it is ectoplasm. This made me snort IRL. Strange fluid that lights up under UV light in a bathroom in an abandoned asylum, my first thought is not going to be ectoplasm. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHW7IVzZtv7JHKXiGGqR0ycTu7l9ELinNkWFH9A4GSh9Q1bP0qF_HZMZTdgv4oCSrkni_B4h7djRRaeZD48wKs-AwBV7osuL7XMIJeGA7G-lMebHF0jF2A4C2Jp4TSHqa55P071EoGk_tZ/s1600/ectoplasmorjizzstainyoudecide.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHW7IVzZtv7JHKXiGGqR0ycTu7l9ELinNkWFH9A4GSh9Q1bP0qF_HZMZTdgv4oCSrkni_B4h7djRRaeZD48wKs-AwBV7osuL7XMIJeGA7G-lMebHF0jF2A4C2Jp4TSHqa55P071EoGk_tZ/s400/ectoplasmorjizzstainyoudecide.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pick a bodily fluid, any bodily fluid!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The first actually paranormal occurrence is a shadow in front of the camera, followed by a window opening due to static.<br />
<br />
I thought this thing was gonna be the low burn kind of found footage film (alliteration!) with mostly shadows and noises and jumps, and the only real effects shots at the end.<br />
<br />
The following 10 minutes or so seemed to confirm this belief. A wheelchair moves when nobody (but the camera) is looking at it. Half the wheelchair was in near-total darkness, and could have been moved by a person. A door slammed shut as the camera was turning to face it. While they were all in one room arguing, a hospital gurney in another room got shoved over with an incredibly loud noise (I nearly peed myself). At one point, they are starting to think this might actually be real phenomena, and so they have their faux-medium try to contact the other side. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLEogyjMBj4HtiER61molnRf0odvAPapsnBX55lnm-6hfLir5NnXDti6xtL9b6H9mAIkBXXXk3RGbfQLCn0VItTN2iT7kRShn2wHwHFqthMi8YGWLPQdXgSQqaA3WeCctWmCPnB1bDOOI/s1600/does+not+want+to+be+here.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLEogyjMBj4HtiER61molnRf0odvAPapsnBX55lnm-6hfLir5NnXDti6xtL9b6H9mAIkBXXXk3RGbfQLCn0VItTN2iT7kRShn2wHwHFqthMi8YGWLPQdXgSQqaA3WeCctWmCPnB1bDOOI/s400/does+not+want+to+be+here.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Every time I see this picture I crack up. Poster child for "Does not want to be here"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
After a relatively unsuccessful session that devolves into an argument (there's a lot of shouting) they decide to leave, but before they do Lance takes three photos in rapid succession. These aren't developed until later, and this only hints at how fucked they are. The first one is pretty tame, as it contains orbs.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCn9Z-JChzXabUaPcj4WmvqIIkHbVy3HmmgStwwdRANAUwruLtakj-CnLwOcKZk70yo5TU9j9he06V1DKsbf0QtMeS1Bxl_QjhIBwwz4aEBGcKpxmLOi1zYPCQYjPD_qasMg-_koV3A61Z/s1600/orbz.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCn9Z-JChzXabUaPcj4WmvqIIkHbVy3HmmgStwwdRANAUwruLtakj-CnLwOcKZk70yo5TU9j9he06V1DKsbf0QtMeS1Bxl_QjhIBwwz4aEBGcKpxmLOi1zYPCQYjPD_qasMg-_koV3A61Z/s400/orbz.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Orbz. Also, the wall on the left is drippy, which is creepy but normal.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Orbs are supposed to be the visual manifestation of spirit energy. In my experience with photography, it's generally floating dust particles refracting light. For fun and entertainment, go around your house and shake one thing that might have dust on it out, then take a picture of it with your flash on. Like as not, you'll get orbs too. If you ever search for ghost pictures on the web, the most common type contain orbs. I assumed the next picture would be something similarly common, and I wasn't disappointed.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGXfrJ_N_YghLgPw6iau9TJ0iXXiDqI-LvbLr-Bz1s4REA8Kqj7Z-K-bu7rysr8atubo5ATww2of72GEFYBiBODzayphQ4XA1PMlu6Kt8oau6DSr0a16uq2x3ahhVi_2BpRW8b8BBruKcw/s1600/mist.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGXfrJ_N_YghLgPw6iau9TJ0iXXiDqI-LvbLr-Bz1s4REA8Kqj7Z-K-bu7rysr8atubo5ATww2of72GEFYBiBODzayphQ4XA1PMlu6Kt8oau6DSr0a16uq2x3ahhVi_2BpRW8b8BBruKcw/s400/mist.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Creepy mist!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This is another fairly common picture type, as mist is sort of easy to accidentally capture on film <b>and</b> it's super creepy. I personally think about 80% of mist photos are cigarette smoke. You'll see these a lot, although not as often as orbs (or several other varieties, which I won't go over here because then I won't shut up about it). I assumed the next photo would be roughly as innocuous, maybe a vortex or something. Nope.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9acpw9cLqSUV1T7X-7Tzj1FMnPg3hWKCPTcd575kAgDgG09OenX2k3k2wj5BhDTU9Ny0yBNHDDz-WATOWAn3BH1zVm3q2gvvRXoc9inZoBOqgJnb1q-yWIQK2mOQ61mUpnztwvChYK9aZ/s1600/holyfuckballs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9acpw9cLqSUV1T7X-7Tzj1FMnPg3hWKCPTcd575kAgDgG09OenX2k3k2wj5BhDTU9Ny0yBNHDDz-WATOWAn3BH1zVm3q2gvvRXoc9inZoBOqgJnb1q-yWIQK2mOQ61mUpnztwvChYK9aZ/s400/holyfuckballs.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blurry person. Holy fuckballs!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This was the moment where I realized that the movie was going to take me the ghost thing much further than I expected. This is what one would consider, if IRL, a full body apparition. This is basically the holy grail of ghost hunters, this is what they are looking for. This occurs not quite 40 minutes into the film, which means that the ghost shit is just warming up.<br />
<br />
After getting lost on the way back to their command center (and discovering that the walkies are unreliable), they start packing shit up so they can go home. They're just waiting for the dude to come at six am to let them out. While packing the cameras, Matt goes missing. They try to go find him, and then more weird shit happens, like TC getting pushed down half a flight of stairs by absolutely nothing.<br />
<br />
The hour when they were supposed to be let out comes and goes. After discovering that the cell phones ain't workin' either, TC decides to bust down the door. I find this incredibly reasonable, if I were them I'd be trying to chip my way out with my <i>face</i> at this point. After more arguments (Lance tells TC this is coming out of his rates, and TC is so beyond caring it's not even funny) they use the gurney to break the front door open... into another hallway of the hospital. They find another door that says "Exit" above it, and it also leads back into the hospital. They try to batter their way out of a window. They try to go up to the roof, only to find the top of the stairs completely bricked off. Like it'd never been a stairwell. The hour sunrise should have occurred comes and goes.<br />
<br />
The hospital is fucking with them. It knows they are there and it won't let them leave. It is glorious. A film that I expected to take place over period of 8 hours for the bulk of it was stretched into a time span of days. Things get worse. They run into full body apparitions, things with human bodies and horribly stretched faces, that shriek and bellow with inhuman noises. They wake up wearing hospital bracelets. One by one, the crew is knocked off (sometimes killed and sometimes just vanished), until it's Lance wandering in the dark corridors under the hospital, all alone.<br />
<br />
Well, there are the rats.<br />
<br />
I won't spoil the ending, mostly because I don't think I could adequately explain it without giving a much more thorough once over of the movie and this thing is already a million miles long. But it both surprised me and made perfect sense at the same time. <br />
<br />
Grave Encounters used the expectations of the genre it comes from to its advantage. I didn't expect the activity to get so... active, I didn't expect things to get so fucked, I didn't expect for TC to disappear/die as late as he did (I was very concerned we were dealing with Black Guy Dies First, but it's not even clear he dies. He could have suffered Lance's fate), and I didn't expect the ending. It took a concept I have been hoping someone would put to film and did a great job with it, and I'm still pretty thrilled with it. I don't think this will be everyone's cup of tea, but I haven't been able to shut up about it since I watched it. Take that as you will.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-71696472218680158492012-04-15T22:55:00.001-05:002012-04-15T22:56:43.096-05:00One Month LaterThis is the AUGH LIFE GOT IN THE WAY post. Augh. Life got in the way.<br />
<br />
One of the issues I've been facing for years now is the slow degradation of my teeth. My teeth are, for lack of a better way to put it, crumbling out of my head (coincidentally, this is why none of my photos are ever of me actually smiling. Trust me, you don't want to see it). I battle constant infections and pain, and recently had a huge abscess that required a tooth being pulled. One of my front teeth. This is awkward, because it makes it even more difficult for me to bite things than it was. <br />
<br />
Due to more or less constant infections and mouth pain, I get sick very easily, and combine that with the spring allergies and general bleh I have been very unmotivated to do, uh, anything. Also, it's kind of depressing as FUCK.<br />
<br />
In theory, programming will resume shortly, but I honestly am probably gonna be kinda up and down on this whole thing until a more permanent tooth solution can be afforded. I'm looking at having to pay 7000 dollars to get this mess taken care of, so, um, might be a while.<br />
<br />
This has been a kinda depressing post, so here's a picture of Bats and Jack:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj87bWH2XB6BCnd4smEg0SsuIoH7mGNHvXVOJV_PliM9hOeqZ1GnvJDqwgD1Ls4mDxCKhyphenhyphen9nPYfrbdMDHBOFTEaqdK9_ObfHBg3r3hiqlNFyQoDxb3IZoQXnGtguflFUKNkhZ4zAMPTRV50/s1600/stufftobesorted+129.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj87bWH2XB6BCnd4smEg0SsuIoH7mGNHvXVOJV_PliM9hOeqZ1GnvJDqwgD1Ls4mDxCKhyphenhyphen9nPYfrbdMDHBOFTEaqdK9_ObfHBg3r3hiqlNFyQoDxb3IZoQXnGtguflFUKNkhZ4zAMPTRV50/s400/stufftobesorted+129.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, he sometimes cuddles his toys. It is awesome.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-51345245219435578122012-03-10T15:47:00.000-06:002013-05-15T18:10:48.196-05:00Nostalgic Indulgence: The Frog Prince (1986)I watched this movie a lot when I was a kid. We had it on VHS, recorded on an old tape that died before DVDs really became a thing. I saw it on Netflix when I was bouncing around the other day, and decided to see how well it held up. I probably hadn't seen this movie since I was 12 or so, back in 96.<br />
<br />
The plot is pretty basic. Zora, a lonely might-be-Princess (played by Aileen Quinn, who was also Annie) loses her golden ball in the pond behind the palace, and a frog-looking dude agrees to retrieve it for her if she will be his friend. She agrees, and he tries to teach her the kinds of Princessy things she might need to know if she is chosen as the true Princess. See, she and her sister Henrietta (played by Helen Hunt, of all people) are both nieces to the King, but only one of them is truly the Princess, so a Baron with a ridiculous name is supposed to choose one of them and crown her as Princess.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTKY-H5DNftJskZQ_g3KxIWS7yFSI42lHE47vXyQ6WGXNwO4aUcwkiqVq6dQKr9oPFo4x-upsGAp3vM7EBGKXNQHPMo0_cFDGLnbOuLUdP2caRPiPBQr2cm0QL1SoIwu4hqsbnon4V_HHe/s1600/AileenQuinnasZora.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTKY-H5DNftJskZQ_g3KxIWS7yFSI42lHE47vXyQ6WGXNwO4aUcwkiqVq6dQKr9oPFo4x-upsGAp3vM7EBGKXNQHPMo0_cFDGLnbOuLUdP2caRPiPBQr2cm0QL1SoIwu4hqsbnon4V_HHe/s320/AileenQuinnasZora.JPG" width="292" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She's singing about how today is gonna be her lucky day. Spoilers: It's not.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Henrietta doesn't think Zora has a chance, but when she sees the giant frog dancing with her sister in the ballroom, she decides to ensure things by hiding Ribbit (what Zora calls the princely frog) in a hole in the woods, which may actually be called the Dark Heart woods. If Zora doesn't make it back to the ball by sundown, Henrietta will be declared the princess without argument, but she has to save her friend, who will die without water. Obviously, she makes it in time, because this is a fairy tale movie, and she turns Ribbit into the Prince of... Feedly? Freedly? Something, and everyone lives happily ever after.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8sj6GGWLmEII9pxgsnm1bPgElHxR3LfyMV0NoG1rlxLWXmyiFdvO98b8o7DhbHtlrLM4VndOtOHrRZzi4eI7q_7n5rz4gpUG9DF1csolEYJMB37X1SkuB_AgPGoHb8sSl96yoaQQZpoVk/s1600/HelenHuntasHenrietta.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8sj6GGWLmEII9pxgsnm1bPgElHxR3LfyMV0NoG1rlxLWXmyiFdvO98b8o7DhbHtlrLM4VndOtOHrRZzi4eI7q_7n5rz4gpUG9DF1csolEYJMB37X1SkuB_AgPGoHb8sSl96yoaQQZpoVk/s320/HelenHuntasHenrietta.JPG" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This still cracks me up. No, she doesn't sing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Does it hold up? Well... no. It is supposed to be for kids, and it shows. It was <i>also</i> supposed to be a musical, but there aren't many songs, and they're all pretty bland and forgettable. It's unfortunate because Aileen Quinn and John Paragon (who plays Ribbit) are talented and could have both pulled off stronger music. The plot is also, unfortunately, an idiot plot. (Idiot plot: a plot that only works when everyone involved is an idiot.) It just doesn't hold up in any way, shape, or form.<br />
<br />
<br />
For some reason only one of these two girls is the "true" princess, and their mother didn't reveal which one so their uncle the King would love them both equally.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
Um.<br />
<br />
If only one of them is the true princess, then they both have two different fathers. And they are clearly like ten years apart. We don't really need a genetics test.<br />
<br />
Unless the implication is that she cheated on her husband or something, and that means one of these girls is a bastard. Or possibly adopted? I don't know, and it's really not a well-explained dilemma. On what authority does Baron Von What's-his-nuts declare a girl a princess? Why does the King have no authority on this at all? Why not claim them BOTH to be Princesses? Even if only one is his official heir, at least he could assure wealth and happiness to both girls. <br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhungBoQuN6wxdj017Wpf7TBmkX0iqGnzwmJz3BV3sJhsQMByUy7LEepSfvpJos8xrF8RJfqxHyT3B0h_DKVUlo62fxl5jJRnKDfeAJU3EnkNmPqQfjU1uzIKhXX3MVnaOh_mg66jkUpnMJ/s1600/CliveRevillastheKing.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhungBoQuN6wxdj017Wpf7TBmkX0iqGnzwmJz3BV3sJhsQMByUy7LEepSfvpJos8xrF8RJfqxHyT3B0h_DKVUlo62fxl5jJRnKDfeAJU3EnkNmPqQfjU1uzIKhXX3MVnaOh_mg66jkUpnMJ/s320/CliveRevillastheKing.JPG" width="209" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The most useless King ever?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Further: when Henrietta traps Ribbit in the forest, she literally pushes him into a hole in the ground and lays a wooden woven cover over it. She stakes it into the ground. I've known toddlers who could escape such confinement in about half an hour. I know it's implied that Ribbit is weak from lack of water but it's ridiculous to have your "hero" trapped in something that a dog of average intelligence and sufficient motivation could escape. (Edited to add: props for having the princess save him, though.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipY066dpn_O-IoUNV3Gc7czO9LzXAmO55nmgZw6UbP_wFxtlYiKLBb7ZHpjBmjqL8XjjOq4WcnZxxpXqu0GIL_5zNzeXieapLVCrA6I1kBX6Hp9oi3Dn-OP6O0qNx6olCgE3SCux2XnhJQ/s1600/cagecover.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipY066dpn_O-IoUNV3Gc7czO9LzXAmO55nmgZw6UbP_wFxtlYiKLBb7ZHpjBmjqL8XjjOq4WcnZxxpXqu0GIL_5zNzeXieapLVCrA6I1kBX6Hp9oi3Dn-OP6O0qNx6olCgE3SCux2XnhJQ/s320/cagecover.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Furthermore, it looks like it's made out of pretzels.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Of course, Henrietta "captures" him by kinda throwing a net on him, ish. Both of these things bothered me when I was younger. When an 8 year old is going "That's stupid, I could escape from that," you need to step up your game.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlgzAAq4334Ql-Nb7HshJ63wu1XBNTpqlLw8WtqstGcU36rMdvKyLUc4B29Y_A5uiafVS8N4tqchVlV0tIpvrB-fa48jSp3jDy9jBVHfYLjIc-d6xB__f0JszN-X5hJSnkIVghbCVY71bB/s1600/caughtinanet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlgzAAq4334Ql-Nb7HshJ63wu1XBNTpqlLw8WtqstGcU36rMdvKyLUc4B29Y_A5uiafVS8N4tqchVlV0tIpvrB-fa48jSp3jDy9jBVHfYLjIc-d6xB__f0JszN-X5hJSnkIVghbCVY71bB/s320/caughtinanet.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's hard to see, but the net basically just covers his head, and he could pull it off easily.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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When Zora runs off to save Ribbit, her uncle sees her go. 1: He knows she's going to save her friend. 2: He's a King. 3: He knows that Henrietta is responsible. 4: He does precisely zilch for Zora. "Take my fastest horse," or "Here, have some men to protect you," would both have been perfectly acceptable.<br />
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Yes, I appreciate that there are some things you must do on your own, but Zora is 12. Two horses and a liveried servant would have been more than sufficient for her needs, and she'd have been back in time to have dinner and a bath before she was presented to the Baron von Whatever. <br />
<br />
<br />
Henrietta's friend Darcy could have spoken up, admitting that she helped Henrietta trap the Frog Prince and that it was done specifically so Henrietta would have no competition for the crown. Whether or not Henrietta would have been arrested (and rightfully so, had Darcy not marked the location on a map, Prince Ribbit would have most certainly died) she definitely would have been out of the running for Princess, and it's likely the Baron would have been willing to postpone the ceremony in honor of the ongoing rescue mission.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, basically, I have spent far more thought on the film than the writers ever did.<br />
<br />
Also, Zora is 12. The man playing the Prince is 17 years older than Aileen, who might have been as old as 15 when this was filmed. While their relationship is presented as platonically as possible, there are several moments where the age difference is both apparent and incredibly creepy. Especially when Ribbit is in Zora's bedroom, trying to convince her of how beautiful she is. I may be reading too much into it, because when I was younger I just assumed that Zora marries Ribbit, but I don't think I am. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDhN2AliG9pdcJl5LsqIFtzSQxlSDI2dCZWpJtMLo_fTMpPHTDJsyR4zDkPy8D2ZiBGyML1T_nbM5Ldx7xvMtaFFocQ8HQQcKjFCz-lME2ZtqSURt8y2eOksL9CKgGgeEYD07SRhVyz4z3/s1600/justalittlecreepy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDhN2AliG9pdcJl5LsqIFtzSQxlSDI2dCZWpJtMLo_fTMpPHTDJsyR4zDkPy8D2ZiBGyML1T_nbM5Ldx7xvMtaFFocQ8HQQcKjFCz-lME2ZtqSURt8y2eOksL9CKgGgeEYD07SRhVyz4z3/s320/justalittlecreepy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just a <i>little</i> creepy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
This movie was really fun for me to rewatch because I watched it so often when I was a kid. I may or may not still know the lyrics to some of the songs. But this isn't what I would consider a classic, not even a cult classic. It suffers from many setbacks, and if I hadn't been so interested in seeing how well it held up from my childhood I never would have watched it all the way through. I'm half-tempted to re-write the story of this film into a much better plot. There are some interesting threads, here, but overall it's just kind of poorly done. If you have a nostalgic reason to watch this film, go on ahead, but I don't think there's much here for anybody else.<br />
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(Edited on 5/15/13 for some errors.) Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-6820347494455243582012-03-05T15:00:00.000-06:002012-03-05T15:00:04.343-06:00Rubber: A ReviewOkay, so, I heard about this movie on Twitter a while back, and from the description alone I wanted to watch it. Killer tire fucks with people sounds exactly like my type of movie, you know? Anyway, reading the Netflix description did not dissuade me.<br />
<br />
"Quentin Dupieux directs this inventive twist on low-rent revenge flicks, which follows a <i>car tire</i>
named Robert that rolls through the desert Southwest using its strange
psychic powers to blow up birds, bunnies, human beings and more. But
when Robert spies a gorgeous woman motoring down the highway, he decides
to follow her and take a chance on love. This gleefully over-the-top
black comedy stars Stephen Spinella and Roxanne Mesquida."<br />
<br />
I think it goes without saying that I was really looking forward to watching this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieU4H7l58g9tj8RsBXOtlDnz3fXytbrFVIC1XRxCfOOxw2WQQMJrBkPgab-2pw9Bhqj-7ggzptm5HGpF68xgHDuY1djhLaNnDYSwWdrYcSzp4AjiDUD2f733QMvLkQk9s6AA-wrjkHnx3M/s1600/rubbermoviecover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieU4H7l58g9tj8RsBXOtlDnz3fXytbrFVIC1XRxCfOOxw2WQQMJrBkPgab-2pw9Bhqj-7ggzptm5HGpF68xgHDuY1djhLaNnDYSwWdrYcSzp4AjiDUD2f733QMvLkQk9s6AA-wrjkHnx3M/s320/rubbermoviecover.jpg" width="226" /></a></div>
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<br />
I was staggeringly disappointed.<br />
<br />
Look, I know, it's a film about a tire that kills people, so it's not like I expected it to be high art or something. But the thing is, this film doesn't start for 9 minutes. Nine. In a film that is only 82 minutes long, that's pretty unforgiveable.<br />
<br />
Oh sure, there's stuff going on, but it's not the film. There's some desert scenery shots- that's not too bad as the film is set in the desert. Then there's a car driving down this road. A dude is standing there, holding a million binoculars, and there are chairs randomly set up in the road. The car hits every chair, a cop gets out of the trunk, and gives a good long speech. The speech in and of itself is unimportant, because the point of the speech is to address the in-film audience (and me) that the shit happening in this film happens for no reason, and to just go with it.<br />
<br />I am voluntarily watching a TIRE REVENGE FILM. This is not a concept I have trouble grasping.<br />
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Then the in-film audience starts 'watching the film' through the binoculars, and we get to the problem with the film that poisoned the whole well for me. They comment on the film as it's happening, pointing out the problems with it. "It's kinda slow." "Well, it's just the beginning." This happens all over the place. They'll cut back to this in-film audience so they can break down the scene for you. And then some of the other people in the in film audience would be like "SHUT UP" (because it's funny because that's what you want!) and then after far too long spent with this mindless bullshit that's supposed to be clever, we get back to the tire.<br />
<br />
We have established that I like meta humor. I have <a href="http://strangersfromtheinternet.blogspot.com/2012/02/episode-7-women-in-meta-horror.html" target="_blank">done a podcast</a> on this, so this is not me hating on meta humor at all. But there are types of meta humor. There is what one might call the 'straight' meta humor, where the discussion of tropes as they exist is treated as a reality of that film. This is what happens in Behind the Mask, horror tropes are met head on as if they were something that was possible and existed, and how you would go about actually achieving them. This is more common in comedies that feature meta, but the theory is the same.<br />
<br />
Then there is meta humor that occurs when one discusses other films. In the Scream universe, obviously most horror films exist that exist in real life, and they discuss those tropes as tropes while said tropes actually take place. When Sidney's character remarks about women who run upstairs when they should be running outside, and then she can't get the chain off the door and so has to run upstairs, we know why she does and that she knows better.<br />
<br />
The meta humor in this film is some of my least favorite ever. It comments on the movie as it happens, largely to point out the flaws as the film goes along, or to provide exposition. In small doses, I find this acceptable, though not particularly clever. In Rubber, it's abusively stupid. "Hee hee hee it's funny because we know it's bad and we're going to tell you it's bad and then have another character tell us to shut up because we know you want us to shut up and then some of you can relate to someone in our in film audience" is aggressively annoying to me, and it just grated on my nerves the whole movie. I couldn't get past it enough to truly like the parts of the film that I actually enjoyed, which was basically everything starring the tire.<br />
<br />
Yes, the tire is more entertaining than nearly every human in this movie. For those of you going "Well, that's the point! You see, it's funny, because you relate to the tire! And a character points that out! It's funny because half of this film annoys you! That's the point!" I'm just gonna stop you here. I don't watch films to be annoyed by them. (Well, okay, sometimes I do because I watch films to criticize them but most people watch films for enjoyment.) But if I sat next to you and poked you with a sharp stick over and over for twenty minutes shouting SEE IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I'M ANNOYING YOU AND I KNOW IT then you would have every right to punch me in the face for being an asshole.<br />
<br />
Basically, half of this film is the director being an asshole to the audience, and although I enjoyed some other parts of the film, I didn't enjoy them enough to get over the director ramming his elbow in my ribs going GET IT GET IT THIS SHIT IS FUNNY!<br />
<br />
I am well aware that other people find this type of humor funny, and I'm sure if you do then you would enjoy this film immensely.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-45850903779699101362012-02-28T19:01:00.003-06:002012-02-28T19:02:27.279-06:00Lucy Liu and Fandom Freakouts: A RetractionApparently the news that Lucy Liu had been cast in CBS's Elementary broke yesterday. And then a fandom war broke out, like, instantly.<br />
<br />
I wasn't actually aware of it until after I posted my knee-jerk reaction on Tumblr.<br />
<br />
My knee-jerk reaction: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I really do think that casting a woman as Watson was to keep the
homoerotic subtext fairy away, and also so that Watson and Holmes could
have a romance instead of just subtext. If I could side-eye it any
harder my eyes would pop out of my head</blockquote>
One of the problems with social media is how easily you can say something that you later regret. I have thought about it (having had time to digest it) and I can't see it as anything worse than BBC Sherlock's "No, we're definitely not gay!" standpoint. And I love the show, but it is seriously problematic in its treatment of women and POC (Start with Sally Donovan and slut-shaming and move on from there). I'm not sure how accurate the Game of Shadows movie was in regards to Romani culture, either, and I've gone on record about how much I hated what happened to both Irene Adler and Mrs. Watson in that movie. (Augh!)<br />
<br />
And it's not like the subtext was anything more than subtext in any of those, ever. So we're losing subtext buried under casual homophobia at best, and we don't know what we're gaining out of it yet, other than a WOC in a lead role on TV.<br />
<br />
So I formally retract my earlier statements. Having read the concept of the show, it looks like they're trying to do something new and different with it, which I support. Whether it will be awful or not, I don't know. But normally I'm much more reserved about shit like this, and I apologize. I want to judge the thing on it's own merits when it airs- and rest assured, I WILL be watching.<br />
<br />
Ending on three notes. 1: CBS is also responsible for HIMYM which I kinda love. 2: Lucy Liu is awesome. 3: Elementary will not end with Holmes in a hot air balloon chasing his brother in a flying metal dragon over London, and that's <i>terrible</i>. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjORNzTkMhVONgVBBDcYHd1fbzgHLkdDRBR_Vp_sLomF9_sVQOO07ZqUIsl1hhJUiPM4nFac2LgbhWCRYqoyVuqbrtlHUZo3PNIalnLN2CLxGWQ_Xqaa7fQ-3xcnLNNI0YpfBsotvpU3cA6/s1600/sherlock-holmes-asylum-dvd-artwork.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjORNzTkMhVONgVBBDcYHd1fbzgHLkdDRBR_Vp_sLomF9_sVQOO07ZqUIsl1hhJUiPM4nFac2LgbhWCRYqoyVuqbrtlHUZo3PNIalnLN2CLxGWQ_Xqaa7fQ-3xcnLNNI0YpfBsotvpU3cA6/s1600/sherlock-holmes-asylum-dvd-artwork.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, you have to watch this movie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9041308978824214844.post-13520384849080649812012-02-13T13:36:00.000-06:002012-02-14T05:16:42.867-06:00Vincent Price Appreciation PostI had no internet this weekend due to financial fiasco going on, so I watched some of my Vincent Price collection. I don't have nearly enough of his movies in my possession, but that will change, precious. Oh yes. Because he is my favorite.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCJXj8_s1A2u5vSQGTaZqRncD1-73sq3iT2ljB2H01bzF4g2nh2xUst3jHVRtM-ly61KTRrnXdDDX1V8S9-OfbewJBfrXAi7OBSUP6MOFGRb9PV3fmlPaVwfIzdjCPLtHQtxIdIgelZbL/s1600/Vincent+Price.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCJXj8_s1A2u5vSQGTaZqRncD1-73sq3iT2ljB2H01bzF4g2nh2xUst3jHVRtM-ly61KTRrnXdDDX1V8S9-OfbewJBfrXAi7OBSUP6MOFGRb9PV3fmlPaVwfIzdjCPLtHQtxIdIgelZbL/s320/Vincent+Price.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Part of my fondness is nostalgic. I watched several Vincent Price movies when I was a teenager, and I've been hooked since. I think the first I watched was House on Haunted Hill, but I swear to nothing. Oh, and Edgar Allen Poe-based movies. I went through this Edgar Allen Poe phase as a kid where I couldn't stop reading and re-reading his stories- stories like "The Tell-Tale Heart" and "Cask of Amontillado", which is my favorite. Vincent Price starred in something like a jillion (approximately) Poe-based movies, and that plays into why I am so fond of him.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs_bgbtoJ4v5fIZ7eJEj4zwbi_KDCqkc8dzCgHtEmVFGpXLsVAJHh3pIaIX1O-s2CebSXHWzbUKZU2XQpAQVZ495PBPaGWHDTRhGVUcdumHF2wHiaDcCE_-3qX684fVNOk3Pkh8ruc4AQ/s1600/vincentpriceskeletondance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs_bgbtoJ4v5fIZ7eJEj4zwbi_KDCqkc8dzCgHtEmVFGpXLsVAJHh3pIaIX1O-s2CebSXHWzbUKZU2XQpAQVZ495PBPaGWHDTRhGVUcdumHF2wHiaDcCE_-3qX684fVNOk3Pkh8ruc4AQ/s320/vincentpriceskeletondance.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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I have not, by any means, seen all of his films. I tend towards movies where he's killing people through hilariously improbable means, like "The Abominable Dr. Phibes" or "Theatre of Blood" (how much fun is he having with that Shakespeare?)<br />
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<br />
I love how many things he's narrated through the years, and it's always fantastic to start watching something and suddenly Vincent Price. If I had a time machine, the first thing I would do is go back in time and meet Vincent Price.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPVIPcpkM2miDDNOwyaSaPXm1aEn_7rcSGrZ0qBjr-hsoiXelxd8Sgx6efQmNZAqn0ssEuE67O_p-IqR8-eIWftb6KwFLwHF65UdnYEETLCq9PiXFw1zYvxt7Tm9JV8YRViu6xFtXU7CLw/s1600/Vincent+Price+young.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPVIPcpkM2miDDNOwyaSaPXm1aEn_7rcSGrZ0qBjr-hsoiXelxd8Sgx6efQmNZAqn0ssEuE67O_p-IqR8-eIWftb6KwFLwHF65UdnYEETLCq9PiXFw1zYvxt7Tm9JV8YRViu6xFtXU7CLw/s320/Vincent+Price+young.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because of reasons.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The movie I wanted specifically to talk about is Madhouse, which stars Vincent Price and Peter Cushing. We missed the ultimate horror trifecta by not having somehow cast Christopher Lee as well, but what can you do?<br />
<br />
I really like Madhouse because it's kinda... well, meta. Vincent Price plays an actor named Paul Toombs who's known for doing horror films. I know, what a stretch, right? Well, he was famous for a character known as Dr. Death. But there's a scandal- his fiancee dies after they quarrel under suspicious circumstances. By which I mean someone dressed as Dr. Death cuts her head the fuck off, and then leaves it on her neck, so when Paul Toombs goes to make up with her, her decapitated head falls off, scarring Paul life. Then he spends a few years in a mental institution.<br />
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That's the first, like, fifteen minutes of the movie. Paul Toombs eventually gets back into film, reprising his role as the infamous Dr. Death, and more mysterious murders happen. It's set up so that Paul could possibly be Dr. Death, though he doesn't believe he is (there's an indication early on that someone might be hypnotizing him or something).<br />
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I love this film because A: they try to pretend Peter Cushing and Vincent Price are of a similar enough build to be mistaken for each other (ha!) and B: because it has both gory and inexplicable deaths and an air of actual mystery to the perpetrator. Also, Vincent Price, but that pretty much goes without saying. If you like Price and you've somehow missed this one, give it a once over.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAkC3y0Oke5hirQU418xaYN5PH5VZoOaZas5-2mGaG1TZNVQapb3wbFg_7XzPcPVYqFY-Yq4RHYSy1J79OLaPI9BW6DbgdnAuLI-zfgmXW8i43oIZ9VGispiZpsyiZCfTB5aOFQhdgCuO/s1600/Vincent-Price-kermit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAkC3y0Oke5hirQU418xaYN5PH5VZoOaZas5-2mGaG1TZNVQapb3wbFg_7XzPcPVYqFY-Yq4RHYSy1J79OLaPI9BW6DbgdnAuLI-zfgmXW8i43oIZ9VGispiZpsyiZCfTB5aOFQhdgCuO/s320/Vincent-Price-kermit.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't resist this one.</td></tr>
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Edit: I have more things to say.<br />
<br />
I call "Madhouse" meta and never really delve into why, because I'm easily distracted by shiny things.<br />
<br />
The film references many of Price's earlier films, "Tales of Terror" and "Pit and the Pendulum" most notably, and serves partially as a commentary on how fucked up the movie business is. It also feels like the prologue to every Vincent Price film ever. Like, if there had been a follow-up film called "Toombs' revenge" or "Back from the Toombs" (I crack myself up) where Paul Toombs was killing people for trying to fuck with Dr. Death or something, it would not have surprised anybody in the slightest.<br />
<br />
It makes sense to me that Price would do a picture like this, because he preferred playing bad guys who have a compelling reason to act as they do. He likes characters who, while they may have lost their grip on sanity or reality, have a clear motivation. Not just IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE or BECAUSE EVIL, but often out of revenge and grief, motivators that most people can sympathize with.<br />
<br />
I can never completely hate the characters he plays, just because they all have a core to them that is just a wounded and broken man who can't make sense of anything. The worlds rules have ceased to mean anything to him and he responds in kind. He also tends to have fun with all of his roles, which makes him very watchable.<br />
<br />
...okay, I think now I'm done talking about him. For now.Bethany the Martianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10429703819747485361noreply@blogger.com0